With diversity, equity and inclusion programs rolled back, human resource departments across Wall Street and Silicon Valley are now requiring "Hillbilly Elegy" (2020) be shown as a training video to their employees as a way to better connect with the poor.
A spokesperson for Walmart said that "Hillbilly Elegy," directed by Ron Howard and inspired by Vice President J.D. Vance's memoir of the same name, is the only avenue for companies to reach their core audience.
Companies like Walmart, Google, Paypal, Long John Silver's and other industry icons are scrambling to meet key performance indicators: trust, relatability and an agreed-upon price for plane tickets, said a spokesperson for Long John Silver's.
The following inline is an email pulled from one of the few companies rolling out these required training videos:
From: Anita D'Alla
Hello [name]
You currently have one overdue task on Workday. Please fulfill this task as soon as possible. Failure to complete this task may result in a reduction in lunch tickets.
- Watch "Hillbilly Elegy" (2020). The purpose of this training is to provide valuable insight to our largest, most underrepresented consumer group: the normal poors.
Best,
Anita D'Alla, Human Resources
"Kim, there's people that are dying." - Kourtney Kardashian
This is an automated message. Do not reply.
The story of Hillbilly Elegy follows J.D. Vance through two parts of his fabulous life, both as a young boy in Ohio and as a grown, unaware man in Yale Law School.
The film teaches mediocre white boys to pull themselves up by the bootstraps and receive money from the evilest and nastiest hedge fund manager they know.
READ MORE: Review: Thinking about reading 'Hillbilly Elegy?' Don't
Many companies affirmed their decision in a press conference. Andy Eisel-Hunch, a spokesperson for Burt's Bees, said that "Hillbilly Elegy," alongside many other training videos, was tested among various test audiences to produce maximum white guilt.
"We know for a fact that 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' flew over people's heads, so we’re not risking anything," said Eisel-Hunch.
Many loyal employees of these companies are voicing their support for these new standards, some of whom have already completed the training video.
"I loved watching the Hillbilly Elegy," said Allidupe Cumberhacht, an administrative bookkeeper at Cheesecake Factory. "It reminds me about a Young Sheldon episode from TikTok if it was dark and campaigning for an Oscar."
Cumberhacht continued, commending Glenn Close, who played Vance's mama, for her reprisal as Disney's Cruella Deville in this film. Cumberhacht was confused and offended when we told them it wasn't a sequel to Cruella Deville, leaving in the middle of the interview.
A small number of employees voiced their disagreement with this new training. Maria Marcia Peterson-Scott-Gerald, a process improvement consultant at Domino's in their thriving West Virginia sector, said the film was not reflective of the Appalachian experience.
"I do not want that stale mess on my Letterboxd," said Peterson-Scott-Gerald. "It's like a college admissions essay that was submitted an hour before the deadline that was caught on film. I really hate J.D.'s stupid baby face and his ugly propeller hat."
The State Press then informed Peterson-Scott-Gerald that the image she was referencing was fake.
"N ... nuh uh," she replied.
The State Press observed the clearly held-back tears and quivering lip of Peterson-Scott-Gerald as her image of propeller hat J.D. was forever torn away. Appalachia would have to live on without him and she may never find happiness again.
An unnamed poor person, maybe an intern or something, overheard and interrupted, saying that The Hunger Games is a better representation of what the "everyday person in Appalachia actually goes through."
Domino's declined to comment on "Hillbilly Elegy" any further following this statement and the Peterson-Scott-Gerald incident.
Jennifer Lawrence, leading actress of The Hunger Games trilogy, failed to comment out of fear for her life.
"As the holidays approach, boost work place morale with a viewing of "Hillbilly Elegy" for all your employees," said Mike Pence, a currently unemployed man.
Edited by Andrew Dirst, Sophia Ramirez, Alexis Heichman and Natalia Jarrett.
Reach the reporter at pspascua@asu.edu and follow @paulscual on X.
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Paul is a sophomore studying journalism and mass communication. This is his fourth semester with The State Press. He has also worked as a ASU EOSS student marketing photographer.
