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The curls in my hair were falling perfectly. My nails matched my white dress and heels. This was an outfit I picked out months ago. My whole ensemble, orchestrated to guarantee acceptance. I was hopeful the fourth round of sorority recruitment would fulfill its promise of helping me find my "forever home."
A couple minutes after I arrived for my 8 a.m. call time, I found myself making a decision I never thought I'd make — to leave.
Walking away, my face was damp with tears and sweat. My mind reeled with doubts about my self-worth and girlhood.
I passed girls smiling from ear to ear, a reaction I can only assume meant hopes fulfilled. It was another sting.
Then, I passed other girls. Ones who looked like me. Eyes swollen with tears, clinging to the comforting embrace of their Rho Gamma, an unaffiliated sorority member who helps Potential New Members navigate recruitment, and debating whether to make the same decision I did.
In this whole process, they never told me I would have to grieve. All of the time, effort and emotion I invested was now buried in the back of my closet with the brand new $50 dress I never got to wear.
As I ruminated over the disappointment and confusion, one thing comforted me — I knew I wasn't the only girl who felt like this.
Round 1 - Open House
Sorority recruitment is like a festival, spanning across two weekends and demanding an immense amount of stamina and social battery.
The process is divided into four rounds, each with a different theme and focus. During each round, PNMs meet with girls from a handful of houses. Houses select which girls are invited back for the next round and PNMs rank which houses they want to return to or drop. Each round, the selection pool gets smaller until girls are matched up with their final house on bid day — a grand unveiling and celebration for girls who are offered a bid to join a sorority.
The hope is that girls end up with a house that aligns with their personal values and is a place they envision themselves making lifelong friends. Before signing up, current sorority members share heartfelt stories with PNMs about how their sorority helped them find friends they now call "sisters," a second home and a place of belonging.
"When I was going through recruitment, what I was mainly looking for was my home away from home, and I told multiple people that during recruitment. I just wanted a community of girls that I could lean on, especially being an out-of-state student," said Tinley Strittmatter, a member of Alpha Phi and vice president of recruitment external for the Panhellenic Association.
Freshmen cling to these stories, expecting the recruitment process to bring them the same thing. So they pay the $85 application fee, buy new outfits for each round's dress code and let their anticipation build until it's time for round one — open house.
During this round, girls watch trailers made by each house and rank their favorites in their PNM Companion app. The rankings are then locked in by the Rho Gammas.
That's round one.
"Success in the recruitment process is members finding their sorority and our sororities growing in their membership," said Bridgette Wynn, coordinator of sorority and fraternity life, in a written statement.
Round 2 - Philanthropy
On the morning of round two, girls are given a schedule of the houses that selected them. They may have all of the houses they selected or none. Out of all 12 chapters, I ended up with seven.
This is the first round where PNMs talk with girls who are already members of the houses. The conversation topics center mostly around the house's chosen philanthropy. This round has the shortest time slot for conversation.
Before PNMs enter the house, they are asked to line up single file under the boiling Arizona sun. Makeup is melting, sweat stains are forming and the true test of stamina begins.
As PNMs chat with the girls next to them, hoping to distract themselves from the 100 degree heat, a rumbling starts from inside each sorority house. Suddenly, sorority girls can be seen dancing and singing from atop the balconies. The doors of the house swing open and more girls are seen shouting one of their house's chants.
"ALPHA ALPHA ALPHA DELTA PI
LIKE IT, LOVE IT, ME OH ME OH MY
I'M A MEMBER OF A GREAT SORORITY
IT MAY BE ON EARTH BUT IT'S HEAVEN TO ME
SINGING ALPHA ALPHA ALPHA DELTA PI (LA LA LA)"
PNMs then file in, each one paired up with a member of the house. The member walks the PNM down a tunnel of other members, who are still dancing and chanting, until they reach a seat. Conversation begins. The only caveat is, the room is about as loud as a concert. Mouths hover over ears, vocal cords fry and the timer starts ticking.
PNMs repeat the process for however many houses they were invited to that day. Some stay all day, some only part. After their last house, they rank which ones they want to return to for round three which are then locked in by their Rho Gamma.
Round 3 - Sisterhood
One of the main selling points for sororities is the social opportunities they provide. Instagram feeds are filled with pictures of girls hand-in-hand with their sorority sisters and captions that read:
"We are so proud to be Alpha Phis, and love spending our days with our sisters by our side!"
Or
"Our best friends were waiting for us when we went DZ, and now yours are waiting for you too!"
Starting college is scary. The idea of finding a community of people that feels like home is appealing and exciting.
"ASU is such a big school, and I (felt) like (joining a sorority was) a really beneficial opportunity, so I ended up going through recruitment (that) fall," said Ella McDade, president of Kappa Alpha Theta.
Round three mimics the same process as round two, except for this round, PNMs learn about what unites the girls in each house. This is when PNMs start deciding which houses align with their values and where they see themselves fitting in.
After the round, PNMs, once again, rank their favorite houses and lock them in. Round three is when stakes start rising. Girls have a clearer idea of where they want to be and begin investing their emotions.
"During Theta's sisterhood round specifically, I was able to see how every individual member had something unique about them, whether it was something they were involved with outside of the sorority or just something from their past that makes them the person they are today," McDade said.
Round 4 - Preference
Preference is the fourth and final round of recruitment. For this round, PNMs have only two houses. One of the two will be their final house.
This round is like a ceremony. Members put their house on a pedestal and gush about how it changed their lives. Some houses can be heard softly serenading PNMs or performing traditions unique to their chapter. This is the most formal round and the longest.
For some girls, they can end up with two options that go against what they were told to look for: a house that feels like home, lifelong friends and a philanthropy they are passionate about.
The illusion of choice sinks in for these girls. Some feel robbed of it completely.
This is the round when many girls decide to leave before they are contractually obligated to wait one year before they are allowed to join another sorority if they choose to not accept their bid or drop out of their house after they join. This contract is called the Membership Recruitment Acceptance Binding Agreement and PNMs are required to sign it after preference. This is the round when I decided to leave. I couldn't justify spending hundreds of dollars every semester to be a part of a house I didn’t see myself fitting in.
"I actually had one girl who, on the last day, had two houses she said she didn't see herself in and that the conversations never really clicked. I told her to go through the day. Preference, in my opinion, is such a great experience," said Kata Owens, a Rho Gamma during fall recruitment and a member of Alpha Omicron Pi.
"That's how I fell in love with my chapter. Unfortunately, she went through those two rounds and decided the houses really weren't for her and that maybe Greek life wasn't for her at all, so she withdrew."
Morgan Walton, a junior studying communication, withdrew from formal recruitment in Fall 2023 because she was also assigned houses that she felt didn't match her interests. Eventually, she found a home at Kappa Alpha Theta in Spring 2024 through a less formal recruitment process called continuous open bidding.
"When it came down to pref, I was a little bit surprised that I didn't get back who I expected, so that's when I decided that I will wait and hopefully my time will come again soon," she said. "It was definitely heartbreaking. As each round is going on, it gets more personal. You feel more toward that house, so I think I was definitely brokenhearted that I didn't get them back."
Sororities have perfected the process of blinding people with bright smiles, polished personas and flagrant displays of womanhood. What isn’t seen are the girls who are tossed aside and forced to contemplate why they weren't good enough to be a part of a seemingly accepting social club. It's a type of rejection that will haunt them.
Bid Day
Bid day — the final day of sorority recruitment and the most exciting.
Nervous ripping of envelopes, girls skipping to their new home and into the embrace of their new sisters. Parties are thrown to welcome the new member class of each house. It's a swarm of squeals, happy tears and relief.
The girls who decided to leave watch from social media and cry more tears for the opportunities they now have to miss out on.
For the majority of girls, going through sorority recruitment was one of the best decisions they made in college.
"The friendships I have made have been unmatched," McDade said.
"Being in a sorority is one of the best experiences I've ever had," Strittmatter said.
For others, it's a process that left an indelible mark on their sense of self.
During Fall 2024 recruitment, around 1600 girls signed up. Out of the 1600, 1200 girls were offered bids. That left around 25% of girls who withdrew or didn't get a bid at all.
"The PNMs can't drop a house, it's only the sororities that can drop a girl," Strittmatter said about the "mutual" selection process. "Each chapter does it differently, and it's not something we can really disclose."
The recruitment process isn't a promise of a forever home. There is a fulfilling social scene for the girls who reject or who were rejected by Greek life. Weeks, months and now years have passed, and I look back on my recruitment experience with gratitude for showing me that there are other people, places and traditions that make my college experience valuable.
Edited by Savannah Dagupion, Leah Mesquita and Audrey Eagerton.
This story is part of The Active Issue, which was released on October 4, 2024. See the entire publication here.
Reach the reporter at amwilt@asu.edu and follow @AbigailMWilt on X.
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Abigail is a junior studying journalism and mass communication with a minor in english literature. This is her third semester with The State Press. She has also worked at the ASU School of Music, Dance and Theatre.
