I was sitting in a Starbucks waiting for a text back from the guy I had been talking to for about a month. I was sipping my grande iced chai latte excited to make plans with him. Now it’s two months later — and I never got that text back.
I was on my couch on a Sunday night watching The Walking Dead waiting for a guy I talked to for a few days to text me back — that never happened either.
It's fair to say many of us have been ghosted at least once. Frankly, getting ghosted sucks. There’s really no other way to say it. However, there are steps you can take to be OK.
When I've been ghosted, I felt really bad about myself — I felt like I did something wrong and that it was somehow my fault. But it wasn't my fault, and it's not yours either.
So how did I get through it?
1. Realize it’s really not you, it’s them
This seems like such a cliché point, but I promise it’s true.
It was something that was difficult for me to realize because I don’t have much experience when it comes to dating, and it can lead to a lot of self-doubt. Getting ghosted can make you feel like there's something wrong with you — but it has nothing to do with you at all.
If they want to stop talking to you, that’s a decision that reflects what is going on in their own life, not what kind of person you are. It doesn’t mean you’re any less worthy of good things.
I’ll never know the full reason why they stopped talking to me — and you might not know either — but I think in both situations I was ghosted, we just didn’t want the same things.
I was fully myself, and if that’s not what a guy is interested in, that’s OK. Why would you want to be with someone who is not interested in who you are?
2. Realize your self-worth
Realizing your self-worth is crucial. If you understand your own self-worth, getting ghosted may be easier to get through because you know what you deserve.
I’m still struggling with this point, but I have made significant strides in recognizing my own self-worth in the past year that helped me prepare for a moment that tested my self-confidence.
You have to realize that you don’t deserve to get ghosted, and you also don’t deserve someone who would even think to do that to you.
Self-worth realization is tough, I know. You might have to just sort of sit with yourself or talk to yourself in the mirror and hype yourself up. I mean, fake it till you make it right?
Once you realize how worthy you are, it helps with understanding that it wasn’t you or anything you did that resulted in them ghosting you, because you deserve happiness and love.
3. Don’t pay attention to their social media
It’s easy to get caught up in what they’re doing on their Instagram story, but the healthiest thing is to ignore them online. As hard as it can be — refrain from stalking.
Watching the guy who ghosted me post on his Snapchat with his friends felt like a slap in the face. It felt like I had never even existed to him, and although we hadn’t talked for very long, it made me question whether we ever had a connection in the first place.
Watching their stories or looking at their posts causes unnecessary pain that you can easily prevent. I promise, you really don't need to know what they're doing all the time.
Trust me on this one — just mute them.
4. Spend time with friends
Sometimes we get too caught up in new romances and tend to ignore our friends.
For me, getting ghosted was a blessing in disguise — and it almost always will be for you too. He was so not the right guy, and spending time with him was just taking away from time I could have been spending with my friends.
Having a solid support system to lean on in times of doubt is so important. We all need a shoulder to cry on every now and then.
Embrace being single and have fun with your friends. You don’t need to be tied down to someone all the time, and you will find that right person that likes you for you.
5. Move on
This can be difficult, but it’s what you ultimately have to do. This step can vary in how long it takes, just remember to give yourself the time you need.
It’s tough to get over someone who you think checks all your boxes. But checking boxes isn’t all a relationship is. When I really looked at it, these guys weren't what I wanted, and my mind was just clouded because they had shown what I thought was genuine interest in me, and I was excited about that.
I moved on by spending time with friends, going out and just having fun. I also spent time swiping through dating apps and trying not to take them and myself so seriously.
When it comes to heartbreak — whether it’s over a guy you went out with a few times or a long-term partner — it’s important to take things day by day. I’m a hopeless romantic so sometimes it’s hard for me to just slow down and focus on the moment, but I’ve noticed that this strategy has helped me a lot since.
Don’t put so much pressure on yourself, it’s OK to not be OK.
Reach the reporter at bstoshne@asu.edu and follow @itsbrennaaaa on Twitter.
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