As a woman, I find myself more empathetic than my male counterparts. This is not a bad quality to have most times.
I cry at chick flicks, I say "I love you" every time I say goodbye to a friend, and I am quick to confess my feelings to someone. These are stereotypical traits I posses.
I also find myself uttering the words "I’m sorry" or “I might be wrong, but…” more often than not.
The phrase "I’m sorry" is taking up too much space in a woman's vocabulary, and it should stop.
"Apologizing can sometimes be a misdirected means of claiming responsibility in order to make a problem disappear – a preemptive peace-keeping strategy – regardless of whether or not you deserve blame in the first place," columnist Melody Wilding wrote in a piece for Forbes.
It’s when the apology crosses the line from true reparations to qualifying your place of existence that it becomes problematic.
According to research from University of Pittsburgh psychology professor Karina Schumann, “men apologize less frequently than women because they have a higher threshold for what constitutes offensive behavior.”
And maybe the proof is in men and women's personal experiences and upbringings.
As is explored in the movie "Tough Guise 2," there is a clear difference in how men and women are raised. Boys are taught to hide their feelings in fear of being seen as less masculine, while girls are taught that expressing their feelings is a normal attribute.
And maybe that’s how men and women see what constitutes offensive behavior on different levels of the spectrum.
According to the movie, boys grow up to be men who are desensitized to emotions and become fathers who pass this notion that being a man constitutes being tough onto their sons. Thus, the term sorry never becomes a part of their daily vocabulary.
Gloria Feldt, a professor of Women and Gender Studies at ASU and co-founder and president of Take The Lead, said, “it’s actually about power and groups that have less power in a culture (being) inclined to be apologetic for what they have done.”
This inclination comes from the idea that women are viewed as inferior to men. This complex leads to women, sometimes subconsciously, compensating for the statements they make with an apology.
“Women have had less power in our culture for a whole millennium. It’s one of those things we don't even realize we're doing often but it actually results in a woman presenting herself as having less power and authority to whom she's speaking,” Feldt said.
Young women are taught to be assertive, but only if it doesn’t upset anyone else. They tend to justify their statements and actions with an apology.
Why should women say sorry for bumping into someone on the street, even when it isn't their fault? Or apologize when squeezing down an aisle trying to find their seat at the movies?
The answer is, they shouldn't.
Often times, "sorry" is the first word uttered by a woman in confrontation, regardless of the severity of the situation. It is used to soften the blow of the outlandish statement even if it is seemingly normal to others.
Women shouldn’t be less empathetic. But they should be less apologetic.
Reach the columnist at psaso@asu.edu and follow @paytonsaso on Twitter.
Editor’s note: The opinions presented in this column are the authors’ and do not imply any endorsement from The State Press or its editors.
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