Frozen teaches us about our relationships.
Following suit with the message behind the iconic song, "Let it Go," I am here to tell you let them go, or in more colloquial terms, screw 'em. It is inevitable that by the workings of time, distance or human folly, we have each experienced a friendship that didn’t pan out.
Having bad relations is a sad experience. It is important to keep in mind that you cannot please everyone, but there is one person that you most definitely must look out for: yourself.
It is important to assess the value of our connections. How does this person make you feel today? Do they show vested interest in you or only talk about themselves? Do they make you feel drained or uplifted? What do you share in common with that person?
There are certain circumstances when it is in your best interest to let go of people you never wanted to say goodbye to. Although you want to be dependable and faithful, loyalty can become your enemy when misused.
Madea - Let em' Go from Joshua Davis on Vimeo.
Regardless of whether or not you have been wronged, or you messed up and wronged another, it is a very valuable skill to recognize when you are subjecting yourself to unhealthy situations.
ASU counseling services points out that there may even be instances when no one is in the wrong to begin with, but triggers are set off and conflict snowballs, creating harm to the parties involved.
At the end of the day, we all cozy up in a bed, inside the boundaries of our body and must face the fact that we are completely alone in our minds, in our little world that no one else gets to experience. The only person you can really, truly rely on, no matter what, is yourself.
This is all we have, and so we must protect it.
Letting go may lead to loneliness, but it is only temporary. Besides, in our loneliness we are given the chance to reconnect with our internal compass and who we ultimately are. In the silence we find insight and growth.
The space created leaves room for new opportunities and relationships, which are improvements from what we left behind.
In the "Ted Talk" by Baya Voce, "The Simple Cure for Loneliness," she talks about how people feel lonely because they do not feel connected. Her simple cure for this is to create or join in ritual practices. For instance, you could join an organization or you could do what she does: snuggle up with some friends and a bottle of wine every Monday night.
The point of rituals is to repeat an action with intention. I think a popular ritual among us college students involves drugs, such as alcohol or marijuana. These mediums of experience are really effective at pulling people together on a consistent basis, but what they often lack is a sense of intention. Make sure to include an uplifting intention, if these are rituals you partake in. This way you won’t find yourself wondering if you are friends because you love each other or if you are friends because you all love weed.
Sometimes nothing goes wrong in a friendship, but also nothing goes right. Some friendships just don’t serve you. Consider if you are sacrificing your personal values. Consider if staying in the friendship is causing you depression or frustration. Notice if you are feeling inferior. It is a bad sign if you are justifying reasons for holding on. It is not okay to be around people who you don’t feel comfortable expressing yourself to.
Friends play different roles in our lives. No one person can fully nourish us and everyone has something to offer. With open eyes, we can learn something from each person with cross paths with. Remember that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Prioritize the lifetime friends, especially the one looking back at you in the mirror.
Reach the columnist at ralydfor@asu.edu or follow @ralydford on Twitter.
Editor’s note: The opinions presented in this column are the author’s and do not imply any endorsement from The State Press or its editors.
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