“Maybe if you smiled more, more guys would like you,” a friend once told me. I’m not kidding. I’ve been told this before, and I’ve been accused of looking uninterested, bored and therefore a bit unladylike. While I understand that a smile is inviting and indicative of friendliness or attractiveness, should I really smile more?
I remember walking to my car after class in the evening and being approached by a random man saying, “Hey baby girl, what’s wrong? Why are you frowning? You should smile more!” After my initial disgust with this great-value version of Steve Buscemi telling me how to present myself, I can’t say that this remark didn’t get to me. I went home and practiced some approachable looks in the mirror, a resting “nice girl” face.
I also recognize that this isn’t an uncommon sentiment, many women are told to “smile more” to appear more approachable or desirable. Not only are they told to smile more, but also the lack of a smile indicates anger, disappointment or disinterest.
I personally haven’t heard the term “resting bitch face” to describe men, as this is a term generally thrown at women. This made me wonder, do women smile less?
In a Yale study, researchers found that women smile just as much or even more than men, depending on cross-cultural differences and age differences, along with positions of power in the workplace.
After being told to smile by a male peer and by a random man on the street, I didn't want to smile more, instead I felt insecure in how I presented myself. I walked around with a half-smile, unsure if I’d be seen as approachable or desirable, but was instead told that the bathroom was down the hall and to the right. I guess it came off as a look of desperation more than anything. I realized that I wasn't told to smile to make myself happy, but to make others around me feel less intimidated by me.
Since I may come off as unapproachable when I am not smiling, it may make others feel more comfortable to see me smiling, seeing me as more vulnerable. Of course there are so many situations that call for a smile: genuine happiness, being polite and when you feel comfortable in a situation. However, there are times that a smile may not come naturally — when I feel uncomfortable or I want someone to take my words seriously, I must be stern.
When I’m walking to class or to my car, I don’t need to force a smile to make someone around me happy or comfortable, and I certainly don’t need to smile just so that a man finds me more attractive.
Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign and the remarks given to her exclusively, illustrate perfectly how people demand a smile from women, or view women who don’t present themselves in a giggly or bubbly manner as angry or rude. Regarding her recent speech she was told to "Smile. You just had a big night," and, "She's shouting angrily in her victory speech. Supporters loving it. What's she mad at?" Her passion in her speech was translated to shouting and anger. While you may not agree with her political stance and ideology, the fact remains that she alone is often accused of not smiling enough in this presidential campaign.
I have recently ditched the half-smile attempt and settled for going back to my normal facial expressions. While it seems like such a trivial thing, a smile is beautiful when genuine and meaningful, and it can make someone’s day.
There are perceived implications to a smile, a woman not smiling does not equate to an angry or rude person. A woman smiling does not equate to wanting attention, or wanting someone to approach her or hit on her. I don’t want to smile just to be seen as attractive, or to be more desirable, or to make some random guy on the street see me as a less threatening person. I want to smile because I am comfortable doing so at the moment.
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