I think I over-fantasized how college would turn out. I imagined straight A grades, tons of friends and crazy shenanigans. Most of all though, I thought about the boys. I daydreamed about being swept off of my feet by a dashing young fellow who was smart but not condescending. Hipster — but not too hipster that he was too cool to date me. Dangerous — but tame enough to take home to my parents.
Yes, as a senior in high school, I had a lot of time on my hands to imagine what college would be like. I hadn't expected the pressures and expectations that would come along with dating in college. Since I don't hold the same expectations for a relationship, I have either become uncomfortable in a situation with a guy or backed out before anything develops because I fear they are expecting something from me. So, I have been severely disappointed in the dating department.
I knew I had hit my personal rock bottom when I tried Tinder. After talking to someone for a few days, I agreed to meet up with him at a coffee shop. I was pretty nervous because Tinder has a bad rep for making hit it and quit it kind of dates, but it turned out to be pretty fun. We talked for a few hours and went our separate ways. I got back to my dorm without any emotional damage from the date, which I considered a success.
The second date rolled around and he invited me to hang out with him and his friends at his apartment. Being naïve, I thought it would be harmless. I went over to his place and his friends hung out with us for a little bit, then left us completely alone. It only took him a few minutes to offer me some alcohol. Then, it only took seconds for the situation to escalate to a place that I was not comfortable with. I left that date with a bit of emotional damage.
Why can’t there be more dates and less pressure or expectations? I want to go out with a guy and not worry about whether or not he's going to try to get me naked at the end of the night. Since I've had so many experiences where it's turned out that way, I'm constantly paranoid that all guys are like that. I'm sure I've turned down many sweet guys out of fear that they only care about what's under my clothes. Call me old-fashioned, but I just want to go out for some ice cream and talk. I need to know that the guy cares about me unconditionally before I can be in a romantic relationship with him. Plus, there needs to be "sparks," you know? I’m starting to sound like my mother.
Yes, I guess I am old-fashioned then. I like first dates, I like waiting till the third date for a kiss and I like bringing guys home to meet my parents. I dream about a guy standing outside with a boom box in his hands, playing my favorite song. I don’t fantasize about getting “turnt” at a party with a guy in some smoke-filled apartment, going back to his car and having cramped, uncomfortable sex in the backseat. I just want to go on fun, no-pressure dates in college. Maybe guys who want that as well are hiding.
Also, if anyone plans to play my favorite song on a boom box, it is currently “Can’t Deny my Love” by Brandon Flowers. Although I wouldn’t recommend playing it outside of my window, I’m on the 12th floor and probably wouldn’t hear it, but feel free to play it on the other side of my door.
Related links:
Break yourself of bad relationship habits before you're stuck
How to: Have a Long-distance Relationship
Reach the columnist at rachel.eroh@asu.edu or follow @ErohRachel on Twitter.
Editor’s note: The opinions presented in this column are the author’s and do not imply any endorsement from The State Press or its editors.
Want to join the conversation? Send an email to opiniondesk.statepress@gmail.com. Keep letters under 300 words and be sure to include your university affiliation. Anonymity will not be granted.
Like The State Press on Facebook and follow @statepress on Twitter.
