I'll admit it — I'm a little too obsessed with cleanliness. People visiting my apartment for the first time often open the door to my bedroom and ask, "Does anyone sleep here, or is this just an extra room?" And I take so much pride in my bathroom that when guests ask to use it, I make them use one of my roommates' instead.
You can probably guess by now that public restrooms gross me out. Lately, I've noticed that I waste an inordinate amount of time and energy deciding which bathroom I should use when I'm on campus. That's why today I've decided to develop a grading system for ASU bathrooms. Now, all I have to do is go to the nearest restroom with a passing grade.
Here's how it works:
I rated each bathroom on a scale of 1 to 5 in each of the following categories:
1. Automation (I don't want to touch things that other people touch.)
2. Spaciousness (I don't want to be too close to other people.)
3. Cleanliness
4. Smell
Then, I added the numbers and multiplied them by five in order to get a score out of 100 and, therefore, a letter grade.
Tempe
Business Administration: A-
Even if you aren't a business major, you should definitely take an introductory economics course in this building just so you can have the privilege of having a class so close to this bathroom. Everything is operated by motion sensor, from the toilets to the sinks to the hand dryers. The grossest thing you'll have to do here is touch the door handle. Just avoid it after big lectures get let out because it's not that big.
Sun Devil Fitness Complex Locker Room: C
This one got a 70, but it lucked out and passed because ASU doesn't give a C-. You'll never have to wait in line here. The only major issue is that the toilets aren't as clean as they should be (probably because of some people abusing their protein powder privileges). If you don't mind seeing the occasional naked person, this is a good place to go, even if you're not working out.
Coor Hall: C
There's really nothing special about this one. It smells a little strange, but other than that, it serves its purpose.
Hayden Library: E
You never know what you're going to see here. I suppose the best thing about it is that its walls always have some interesting vandalism to read. Recently, they've added laptop holders to the stalls, a decision I'm sure will cause far more problems than it will solve.
Memorial Union Basement: E
I'm not sure when they built the bathroom in the basement of the MU, but I'm guessing the height of the average person was 4'6''. It's just creepy in there. Avoid at all costs.
Downtown Phoenix
University Center: A+
Almost all of the bathrooms downtown are in satisfactory condition, but the good people at UCENT really go the extra mile. How do I know that? This actually happened to me last semester:
I was using the toilet in the basement library, when someone knocked really hard on the door of the stall I was using. That's an annoying thing to do, I thought, so I ignored him. Then the person knocked again and said, "Police. You need to open up."
At that point I had no idea what was going on, so I nervously pulled my pants up and stepped out into the sink area. The officer told me he'd been informed that someone had been intentionally clogging the toilets with toilet paper. I politely let him know that I wasn't the one who was doing it. He then proceeded to check the toilet I was using to make sure I wasn't lying.
Some people would call that an invasion of privacy, but I like to think of it as a noble protection of sanitation. Good job, UCENT.
Nursing and Health Care Innovation: A
Given the name of this building, it's no surprise that there are good bathrooms here. Not only is it in pristine shape, it also includes bonus amenities such as water bottle filler spouts, and flyers above the urinals that teach you how to properly cough into your elbow so you don't spread any unnecessary germs. You can't go wrong by choosing this bathroom.
Post Office: A
Whoever designed this one has great taste. From the cool pattern of the wall tiles to the stainless steel baby changing table, this bathroom provides you with a pleasant place to take care of yourself.
Cronkite Building: B+
I have no reservations about using this bathroom. It has everything you'd expect it to have, and nothing you wouldn't. And that's the way it is.
Reach the columnist at cmfitzpa@asu.edu or follow @CodyFitzStories on Twitter.
Editor’s note: The opinions presented in this column are the author’s and do not imply any endorsement from The State Press or its editors.
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