Disneyland is the happiest place on Earth, once you subtract the never-ending lines and the atrocious prices. As soon as you add it up, a nice trip with Mickey turns into a stressful weekend of theme park chaos.
I have been to Disneyland a couple times, and each time I entered the park in a bubble of excitement. It was a vacation whose arrival I anxiously awaited, counting down the days until I was able to step on theme park soil; an anticipation most would say they share.
Every time I arrive at the park, however, the bubble pops. Not because Magic Mountain is closed or because I was unable to get on the "Finding Nemo" ride (again). It is not even the fact that Disney has recently raised its admissions prices. It is the dozens of people surrounding me at any given moment, infiltrating said bubble of excitement.
All theme park goers have seen the “one hour from this point,” or “three hours from this point” signs posted at the entrance of popular attractions. At Disneyland, all the rides are considered popular and accompanied by excessive wait times. Did you want to get on the "Cars" ride? You better be there the moment the park opens or it's three hours in line.
After you wait in line in the beautiful-yet-draining California sun, you are probably hungry. I know I always am. Luckily, there is a plethora of craftily themed food options — so long as your bank account is as never-ending as the lines.
The menu of Disneyland restaurants seems reasonable, if all you plan on ordering is a salad. Even these $12 bowls of lettuce add up throughout the day. A majority of the snacks and meals available within the park are upward of fifteen dollars. For a slice of pizza to a pulled pork sandwich, eating inside the theme park is an expensive endeavor.
Costco's food prices should teach Disneyland prices a thing or two about inexpensive satisfaction
— Angelo De Guzman (@angelodeguz) October 4, 2015
Of course, there are "Fast Track" passes, which allow you to bypass long lines, and available meal plans; however, these Fast Track passes have time and ride restrictions. As for the meal plans, they range from $106 for adults and $64 for children to $272 for adults and $164 for children. So, while Disneyland attempts provide assistance in these areas, it is still insubstantial.
While this is what many have come to expect from Disney theme parks, it does not mean they properly fulfill their motto. In fact, the stress and chaos that often follows a park visit contradicts it.
To me, the Happiest Place on Earth is not somewhere I am getting trampled on by overzealous fanatics. Its going out to lunch with a few of my closest friends, talking about everything and laughing about nothing. It is a quiet bookstore that allows me to catch up on my reading while downing a coffee or two.
When dubbing Disneyland the "Happiest Place on Earth," it is obvious the company's marketing team hadn’t set foot in the park on a Saturday. Maybe if they had, we wouldn't be waiting in two hour lines or paying $15 for a slice of pizza.
Related Links:
How-To: Actually afford your trip to Disneyland
It's worth dishing out the dolla dolla bills for Disney, y'all
Reach the columnist at rblumen2@asu.edu or follow @500wordsofrayne on Twitter.
Editor’s note: The opinions presented in this column are the author’s and do not imply any endorsement from The State Press or its editors.
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