We all have our favorite seasons. Me? My favorite season is Girl Scout Cookie season. OK — maybe it isn't recognized on the Gregorian calendar, and we don't learn about it during our elementary school days, but I swear it exists. It's the time of year right between winter and spring, where it's not quite cold anymore, but we aren't yet battling the blanket of heat that covers Phoenix for a solid eight months. More importantly, it's when troops of Girl Scouts occupy campus to sell their addictive cookies for a sweet two-for-$5 deal*.
I've been bamboozled by these master saleswomen before — protecting your limited budget and securing the most cookies for the lowest price can be hard. This ranking is here to help. Indulge on the divine and skimp on the "meh."
* (Deal not guaranteed to be happening this year, but it has happened in the past).
12. Rah-Rah Raisins™
No. Save raisins for your fiber-filled breakfast cereals and keep them out of cookies — maybe rehydrate them and keep them as grapes. Raisins. Ew. Greek yogurt-flavored bites are sprinkled in this cookie too. Forget the cereal; maybe you could just eat this for breakfast instead.
11. Savannah Smiles®
These rock-solid-sugar-coated death nuggets are nearly lethal. Inhale the powdered sugar unexpectedly and you'll be thrown into a coughing fit that rivals a 30-year smoker. There's nothing redeemable about these cookies (if you can even call them that). Be sure to clarify which "lemon cookies" you mean when you're ordering or you'll end up with these disappointing biscuits in the back of your pantry for the next decade. (Spoiler alert: They'll still taste fresh).
10. Cranberry Citrus Crisps
This cookie is lit-erally the brain child of Chris Traeger. According to the Girl Scout Cookie webpage, this "cookie" is "filled with nine grams of whole grain!" This is a diet cookie. It is not made for serious cookie-eaters. You'd find this in the home of fitness moms. Definitely not something you'd want to waste your meager college student earnings on.
9. Toffee-Tastic™
These cookies try as hard as their namesake. Being gluten-free is an uphill battle, and instead of working hard to create a gluten-free cookie that has some form or semblance of being an honest-to-God contender for cookie normality, the good people at Girl Scouts slogged together this buttery solution. Hasn't the gluten-free community suffered enough?
8. Trefoils®
The most vanilla of the available cookies — quite literally, they're shortbread — Trefoils® are the cookies your great-grandmother keeps in her cookie jar year-round to dip in her reheated coffee. They're not great, they're not terrible, they're just original. A slathering of Nutella or peanut butter goes a long way with these bad boys.
7. Thanks-A-Lot®
Thanks-A-Lot® cookies, or, as I like to call them, Trefoils® 2.0, are a step up from the original shortbread cookie. They're fine, but not 2-for-$5 worthy. Don't commit to these as your purchase, cling to the hope that you'll receive some in a care package from your mother.
6. Do-si-dos®
The lesser of the two peanut butter offerings, Do-si-dos® are on the outside with a faux peanut butter-creme filling. Like Trefoils, these can be saved by being dipped in coffee, crumbled on ice cream or by adding more peanut butter to them. The flavor just isn't strong enough to satisfy a peanut butter craving.
5. Trios
A gluten-free offering that isn't a complete disaster, Trios are worth the money for someone suffering from a gluten intolerance. They taste similar enough to a "normal" cookie that you might even enjoy these chocolate-chip-peanut-butter-oatmeal disks if you're a gluten-tolerant individual.
4. Lemonades™
If you like lemon bars, you'll be a huge fan of these citrus sandwich cookies. Lemonades™ are sweet, sour and refreshing all at the same time. They don't weigh you down or coat your fingers in a gooey mess when you eat them. Dishing out the big bucks (you know, 2-for-$5) for these summertime-tasting treats is highly recommended. Bonus: they taste delicious dipped in coffee or crumbled onto a bowl of ice cream.
3. Samoas®
Synonymous with "Girl Scout Cookies," the Samoa is a classic option. In the line-up since the 1970s, there's a reason these cookies have been so popular for so long. (Hint: it's the coconut, chocolate and caramel combination). Since they're so sweet, you could probably eat one or two of them a day, making them a big bang-for-your-buck option.
2. Thin Mints®
The U.S. is obsessed with Thin Mints®. They're good fresh, they're good frozen, they're just good, dammit. People love them so much that there's now Thin Mints Coffee Creamer, Thin Mints Crunch Bars and Thin Mints Ice Cream. None of these products are even close to being as crispy, crunchy or minty as the original cookies. Stock up now (seriously, I'm talking 10-15 boxes) before you're trapped in a Thin Mints-less hellscape.
1. Tagalongs®
Buy as many of these you can physically get your hands on. They sell out fast, especially since Americans love peanut butter and chocolate. These cookies might as well be called "heaven on earth," because they're just that good. Eating these will make you feel like Augustus Gloop bathing in that chocolate river in Willy Wonka's factory — that's a really, really good feeling. These chocolate and peanut butter cookies are worth the chocolate-tipped fingers and blood sugar spikes.
When shopping for Girl Scout Cookies this season, shop smart and shop often. This is your yearly opportunity to commit the ultimate sin: cookie euphoria. Don't mess it up and live a 2015 of regret.
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