Now that Mercury is finally out of retrograde (the choir rejoices!), your humble guide to the stars has returned to his trusty star charts to interpret what message the stars, planets and the space-time continuum have in store for you.
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For a large portion of the zodiac, it’s time to ditch the rose-colored glasses in favor of some harsh (but still snazzy!) realist lenses. For others, the return of the truth into the light of day means it may be time to confront some tensions that have been building under the surface. Either way, you’ll get some sage advice and a song to match if you read on.
More Horoscopes here! My word, your guide to the stars has been at it a while!
It’s time to get down to the nitty-gritty details of your life, Aries. Pull out your magnifying glass at some point this week and narrow in on the minute cogs and mechanisms of your life. You may find that now is a great time to make some minor readjustments here and there or begin a total overhaul of how things “work” (or, you know, don’t work at all) in your life. Perhaps something as small as adjusting the time you take a shower (your guide to the stars is fond of nighttime showers) will achieve the cosmic harmony you’re after, but you might also be forced to make a more dramatic change like parting paths with a lover whose lifestyle doesn’t sync with yours. Rejoice, though, in the fact that you’ll have a clear understanding of how things stand because Mercury has finally moved out of retrograde.
You tend to take one step forward and then one and a half steps back, Taurus. False starts and stagnation be damned! This is obviously a frustrating manner in which to move through the game of Life, but this is the week when you might finally begin to understand why this always happens to you. First, you must ask yourself why your grandiose plans of change always seem to fade into a lot of shoulder shrugging and complacency. Maybe you set too high of expectations for yourself? Perhaps your plans are unrealistic from the get-go? Maybe you’re never actually completely on board with the plans you set out for yourself? I’m just throwing out a smattering of ideas here; you’re the only one who knows the answer. With Mercury finally out of retrograde (the choir rejoices!), you’ll have an easier time answering that question this week. Aside from all this difficult personal inventory business, you’ll finally realize the truth of where you stand with your current love tangle or the potential suitor who’s been lingering in the wings for a while.
Oh, Gemini, you’ve had such good intentions this year; such grand plans to achieve a level of control over your life, vices and passions! Unfortunately, you haven’t quite arrived at the place you hoped you'd be by the end of the year (which is quickly approaching, if you haven’t noticed). You’ve undeniably had a few major breakthroughs this year, though, so hats off to you for making some progress. However, now that your ruling planet of Mercury is finally out of retrograde, it’s far easier to make out the truth of the matter. If you’re being real with yourself, you’ll realize that your idealized visions of control and achievement are largely unattainable. This isn’t a problem of organization or even personal will (you’ve got a lot of that, trust me); it has to do with your goals. You love passing away the day in a dream world, but with Mars and Pluto hanging out in the practical sign of Capricorn, you should consider slipping on a pair of realist shoes to guide you for a bit. Ask yourself: What can I actually accomplish? Then, uh, do that.
There’s a song from the famed (and also vaguely terrifying) children’s show “Yo Gabba Gabba” that suggests to picky pests of children: “try it, you’ll like it!” This advice is especially relevant to you this week, Cancer. The stars are firm in their command that you try out something new this week. Possible activities include: karaoke, gender bending, landscape painting, competitive ice hockey, slam poetry — oh, how I could go on and on. Over the past few weeks, you’ve felt suffocated by your humdrum routine, so make an effort to shake things up a bit! You can pick up your depressingly heavy load of responsibilities in a few days and trudge onward toward finals, but perhaps you’ll have a skip in your step if you find something new to love now.
Leo, please take a moment (or a few) to meditate in your Temple of Self. Evaluate all the sweet little lies you’ve been telling yourself and really think about what is and isn’t working in your life. Maybe you’re consistently bummed out by your humdrum lunch or you aren’t 100 percent on board with someone’s idea of you. Whatever end of the spectrum these qualms may fall on, now is a top-notch time to make some adjustments. You’ve got a knack for creative solutions, so pull out the Elmer’s glue and glitter — or, like, whatever the situation calls for. By Sunday, the jolly vibes will be out in full force as Venus wanders on over to your house of fun, so you’ll probably still need the glitter.
Watch your words this week, talkative Virgo. Well, to be more precise, watch your inflection when you speak. With Mercury out of retrograde (the choir rejoices!), you’ll finally be able to speak the truth in relationships that may have been troubling you; however, the way in which you pass the hot potato of truth over to a loved one/coworker/classmate is just as important. If you express yourself from a place of love and serenity this week, Venus will work some planetary magic by Sunday and heal the cracks that have been showing up between you and everyone else.
Libra, I hate to say it, but the stars suggest you make a change in your eyewear. This is the week when you need to ditch those rose-colored glasses in favor of some sharp realist frames. Your celestial zone of money is all up in a tizzy this week, so your sudden urge to spend thoughtlessly isn’t going to work out so well. Your guide to the stars is admittedly terrible at keeping track of finances (the same can’t be said of his handle on the stars), so he’s with you during this difficult time of scaling back. While you’ve got those snazzy realist glasses on, now is also a grand time to look at other areas of your life. Now that Mercury is no longer in retrograde (good riddance!), you’re graced with a better understanding of how to initiate change in your life.
Oh, Scorpio, you are so close to closing the door on a months-long matter that your guide can almost hear the firm click of the door closing! The past few months have been overwhelmed with uncertainty (let’s blame Mercury in retrograde, OK?), but the fog is finally starting to clear. Don’t dash to the finish line just yet, though. Give yourself some time to observe how your life unfolds now that there isn’t an impenetrable fog blocking your perception of the truth. You’ll know it when the right time comes to scrub the lame stains from your life.
Good news: Mercury has finally shifted out of retrograde, clearing the path to an understanding of how things are in “reality.” Slightly less than good news: This means that you’ll finally be able to confront someone about the problems that have been ticking you off for a while now. This doesn’t necessarily imply you have to do a lot of screaming or throw any plates. No, that would be the wrong way to go about things. As an alternative, proceed into things with kindness, and you’ll realize (surprise!) that the person you’ve had problems with was suffering from Mercury in retrograde, too, leading them to act like an idiot without knowing why.
Unfortunately, not every sign has a reason to rejoice now that Mercury is finally out of retrograde. Other planets can bring in the weird vibes, too. This week, Venus and Saturn will clash in your celestial chart’s zone of friendships and organization, which may lead to tensions bubbling over. Your guide to the stars has a bit of standardized advice for situations like this: Resolve Not Your Troubles over Text, Words Alone Breed Miscommunication; Solve Your Problems in Person with Ample Doses of Sincerity Without Giving in Entirely to the Opinions of Others. Wow, that would look great on a coffee cup.
You may want to consider going it alone this week, Aquarius. There’s some gravitational forces afoot that may breed unnecessary confrontation due to mismatched vibes and miscommunication. Take this time to look deeply into your progress towards the goals you’ve set for the year. You’ve tried quite a few different approaches to the same problem, but none of them seem to have worked out. If you’re truly honest with yourself (which means looking beyond the lovely illusions we all hold dear), you’ll potentially find a new tactic for tackling your goals by the end of the year. This tactic may involve some pretty radical revisions to the plan or your life, but you’ll get there!
Mercury finally returned to business as usual in your sign, Pisces, but this means that the truth has finally emerged from the fog. You’ve got to be willing to confront the things in your life that aren’t working and be willing to make some radical revisions. Complacency and passivity is a useful tactic when you need to get through all 12,000 episodes of “Friends” on Netflix, but when it comes to bringing about real change in your life, you’ve got to be “active” and “determined.” I feel like we could be moving in the direction of ad copy for a clothing store that outfits people in over-priced sweatpants and shouts, “You can do it!” Regardless, there is are a smattering of new opportunities opening up to you (socially and creatively), but don’t just buy the T-shirt emblazoned with “Carpe Diem.” You have to actually be the change you want to see in your life. God, I should write inspirational coffee cups for a living.
Reach the guide to the stars at Zachariah.Webb@asu.edu or follow him for sagely advice on Twitter at @zachariahkaylar
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