Brent Chappelow (left) and Joshua Johnson pose for a portrait at their home in Tempe. The couple is planning to get married soon and are currently competing for a marriage package for $60,000. (Photo by Ryan Liu)
When rhetoric and composition graduate student Brent Chappelow proposed to his boyfriend, Joshua Johnson, last summer, a year after their first date, he didn’t think same-sex marriage would become legal in Arizona anytime soon.
More than a year after their engagement, on Oct. 17, a judge struck down the state’s ban on gay marriage making Arizona the 31st state in the U.S. to establish marriage equality, which allowed many couples to perform the long-awaited ceremony.
“I got chills and goose bumps when I found out, and I thought this is so amazing for so many people,” Chappelow said. “I thought maybe it’s a possibility for us to get married in Arizona, too.”
Although the couple had decided to wait another year, until they had enough money saved to have a nice wedding, their plans changed drastically when Chappelow found out about the opportunity organized by the Wrigley Mansion for a same-sex couple to win a $60,000 wedding.
“This is a once in a lifetime experience,” Johnson said. “This wedding that we’re in this giveaway for is beyond our wildest dreams.”
(Left to right) Barbara Doerrer-Peacock, Rich Dorrer-Peacock, Carmen Valenzuela, James Pennington and Jeffrey Dirrin volunteer as officiators to marry couples outside of the Maricopa County Clerk of Superior Court on Oct. 17, 2014. (Photo by Emily Johnson)
A Chance for a Dream Wedding
Chappelow and Johnson, have been together for more than two years. They said “I love you” after less than two weeks of being together, and got engaged on their one-year anniversary.
Although the couple is now sharing a cozy family life in a condo filled with sweet candle scents and cats purring, they decided to hold off the wedding until they could save up enough money.
“In our minds, it was OK if the engagement was going to take a year, two years, however long it took us to save up and have a decent wedding,” Johnson said. “I don't want it to be a throw-together. I want it to be nice, but it doesn't have to be overly extravagant.”
When the couple heard about the giveaway called "I Do With a View, Same-Sex Wedding Giveaway" offered by the Wrigley Mansion, they realized that it might be a perfect opportunity to have the wedding of their dreams much sooner than they expected.
The Wrigley Mansion is a historical landmark, constructed in 1932, that nestles on the top of a hill in Phoenix, and reveals a 360-degree picturesque view of the mountains and the city. Celebrating the 50th anniversary of the building, William Wrigley Jr. organized the wedding giveaway as a present to his wife.It is a $60,000 wedding for 100 guests.
After thorough research, the couple decided to enter the contest for a chance to have the wedding of their dreams. They submitted their story, filled out some forms, and soon were invited to interview at the Wrigley Mansion.
Although they were told to arrive around 7:30 a.m., they were so anxious that they arrived at 6:55 a.m.
“The night before we felt like second-graders, laid out our clothes,” Johnson said. “When we got there we were nervous and excited.”
James Burk (left) and Aaron Middleton stand in front of the Maricopa County Clerk of Superior Court as their marriage is officiated on Oct. 17, 2014. They said they met thirteen years ago in a coffee shop. (Photo by Emily Johnson)
The participants gave a two-minute presentation about their relationship and themselves, answered judges’ questions, and chatted with media. Then the anticipation began.
A few days later, Chappelow and Johnson found out that they were selected as finalists from about 80 other couples. Along with four female couples, they were put for a voting on the Facebook Wrigley Mansion Page. The voting will last through 10 p.m. on Nov. 5, leaving it up to voters to decide the destiny of the couples.
Since then, the couple initially took the lead, then tied with the runner-ups and eventually descended to second place, but Chappelow and Johnson didn't lose their hope. They met with the two women who are closest to them in the voting, who they said were nice and great to talk to..
“It’s not for commercialization," Johnson said. "It’s not about being better. We just really want this wedding. For us, it’s a dream come true.”
If the couple wins the giveaway, they will get the space at the Wrigley Mansion for the wedding ceremony and the reception, an overnight stay at a local luxury hotel, tuxedos, décor, a photographer and a cake. The results will be announced on Nov. 5, leaving only eight days before the ceremony takes place on Nov.13.
“Choosing vendors for a wedding is so time-consuming and so stressful,” Chappelow said. “We don’t have to worry about that step of figuring out.”
Vanessa Torres (left) and Amanda Lish are showered in bubbles after their marriage was officiated in front of the Maricopa County Clerk of Superior Court on Oct. 17, 2014. (Photo by Emily Johnson)
From the first date to ‘I Do’
Sitting on a comfortable couch intimately close to each other, the couple reflected on the day they first met at Thirsty Lion, a pub and grill at Tempe Marketplace. They decided to meet for their first date at noon, but it went so well that they stayed until the place was closing.
“It was really comfortable and really easy,” Johnson said.
“We just clicked,” Chappelow added.
Although both had dated women in the past, they said they weren’t sure if they were attracted to them. It took a lot of courage to be honest with themselves and come out to their families, they said.
“A lot of my childhood and college experience I was trying to fit the mold of what I thought people expected of me,” Chappelow said. “So in that way, I wasn’t honest with myself for a very long time about the attractions I felt.”
Johnson said he was about to give up on dating after multiple failed attempts, before he went on the date with Chappelow.
“I thought to myself I’ll try for a couple more weeks,” he said. “I went into the date with incredible barriers, emotionally.”
During the first date, the couple realized how much they understood each other. After that, it took no more than a year for Chappelow to decide to propose. Keeping in mind that Johnson is an actor, he bought a silver film tin and put the ring inside.
Johnson didn’t hesitate to say “yes,” and he decided to propose himself on Christmas.
Trishanda White (left) and Laysha Jones pose with their marriage license in front of the Maricopa County Clerk of Superior Court on Oct. 17, 2014. They have been together for four years. (Photo by Emily Johnson)
“I wanted to do something that was as personal and sentimental,” Johnson said. “I took a book on rhetoric from ancient Greece, which is exactly what he’s getting his Ph.D. in. On one side of the book there was a picture of us, and on the other side I carved out a hole to put a silver tin in the pages, as a representation that we fit together with one another.”
The couple has carefully preserved the book with the tin by encasing it in glass.
The couple moved in together six months after their first date, and since then, they’ve been surrounded by harmony and love. They have brought different personality types to balance the relationship, they said.
“He is more introverted and takes things a little more literally and mechanically and internalizes things more,” Johnson said about Chappelow. “I’m more extroverted and open and creative. So I think it’s a very good balance between the two of us as a couple, because he brings that intelligence and sophistication, and I can also bring heartedness and humor and fun. So it’s a really good balance, and it makes life great.”
Johnson says that the secret of getting along so well lies within two key elements: open communication, and appreciation.
Since Johnson was a little boy he was taught to resolve conflicts by talking. Now he tries to encourage Chappelow to communicate problems to him openly.
“Because I kind of gently nudge him emotionally on a consistent basis to be more open with me, our fights are very rare,” he said.
Both men have dealt with a lot of rejection and doubt at their workplace, so the support and appreciation at home is a supporting pillar of their relationship, they said.
“Having someone in your life who’s appreciating you and demonstrating that appreciation helps balance the downfalls of those career paths that we’ve chosen and also of course is helpful for any relationship,” Chappelow said.
While Johnson manages his career of acting, script writing and teaching special needs children at H.O.P.E. Group in Phoenix, Chappelow is preparing his doctorate dissertation, hoping to defend it and graduate in May.
An almost indecipherable schedule hangs on the wall in the hallway, giving out the busy life of the couple and their attempts to match up their plans to reserve some time for each other.
Like other couples, Chappelow and Johnson said they sometimes bicker and argue, but always manage to find common language no matter what.
“We have disagreements," Johnson said. "No relationship is perfect, but our relationship is pretty cohesive, because we get along so well. We get each other so much.”
Fran Parmenter (left) and Karen Dixon embrace after they are married in front of the Maricopa County Clerk of Superior Court on Oct. 17, 2014. (Photo by Emily Johnson)
Support vs. Intolerance
Friends and family united their efforts to help Johnson and Chappelow win the contest.
Liz Brauchle has been voting, and inviting friends to vote, ever since the contest started. She became friends with Chappelow during their sophomore year in college, and they have been best friends since then.
She said the couple is trying to budget every extra cent for their wedding, and the giveaway would ease the financial pressure.
“Brent and Josh are a true representation of love,” she said. “They encourage each other’s careers and hobbies while sharing their compassion and warmth with all that seek it. I can’t wait for my daughter to grow with such supportive uncles who hopefully will be legally recognized as the husbands they wish to be.”
Rhetoric and composition graduate student Cindy Tekobbe met Chappelow when he joined her doctorate cohort at ASU, and they became good friends right away. She met Johnson at a Thanksgiving dinner and thought they were adorable as a couple, she said.
“I like them both very much, but together they are even better,” she said. “They complement and truly love each other. ... It’s an opportunity for them to exchange vows in front of their family and friends and start their carrier as a married couple.”
Although the couple’s friends have been incredibly supportive of the wedding, dealing with the family has been somewhat a different story for Johnson, who comes from a very conservative religious household.
James Burk (left) and Aaron Middleton show their excitement as they take their marriage license into the Maricopa County Clerk of Superior Court on Oct. 17, 2014. (Photo by Emily Johnson)
Johnson’s family members are usually understanding and encouraging of the relationship, but some of them don’t agree to vote for the couple because gay marriage is not supported by the religion.
“I feel frustrated, because if it was a woman and it was a wedding giveaway, there’d be no questions,” he said. “But it is what it is. I’m not trying to play a victim, I don’t want people to look at me and say he wants a special treatment – no. All I want is for my family, mostly my siblings, to support me, not just tolerate me.”
Although Chappelow came out to his father in an email not so long ago, he was very positive and supportive about the news and even offered to officiate the wedding.
“I’ve had a really good experience with my family since coming out,” Chappelow said. “They’re very supportive, and I wasn’t sure how they would be.”
Although same-sex marriage is now legal in Arizona, it doesn’t mean that the fight for LGBT community rights is over, the couple said.
“Same-sex marriage has for a long time been the one thing that different organizations are really pushing for,” Chappelow said. “There’s tons of other people involved in the LGBT acronym who aren’t necessarily served by LGBT rights, especially transgender persons, and there’s a lot of work that needs to be done in Arizona and elsewhere.”
The couple also occasionally experiences intolerance when they are trying to show a minimal amount of affection in public places, they said.
“We haven’t had anyone discriminating against us or saying anything directly to us but there’s still the tone of intolerance that we encounter once in a while,” Chappelow said. “When Josh would put an arm around me, and a mother with her children eating would get up and move to a table away from us, there’s a sense of, ‘We don’t accept this.’"
Johnson said the fight will continue until same-sex couples will gain the same rights as straight couples.
“Even after we have marriage now between same-gender couples, I think that until equality is the same for everyone, and until our rights are identical to straight couples' rights, that’s what we’ll be fighting for,” Johnson said.
Reach the reporter at kmaryaso@asu.edu or follow on Twitter @KseniaMaryasova
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