Graphic by Thania Betancourt
NICK: I guess it would just be like a step further than coffee shop flirting. It’s just flirting in a deeper sense. It’s like something you would say to them if it was just you and them.
JULIE: I would agree with what he said, for the most part, but probably two steps further. More detail oriented in terms; definitely more graphic. In person-to-person, I think the action would just happen and not talking about it in that detailed of a sense.
DOUGLAS: I agree with Julie. I wouldn’t say it was sexting unless it were conversations about what would take place. But if it’s more like, “Oh, come over” and…you know what’s going to go on, that’s not sexting. Usually it’s distance that causes it.
NICK: I think it’s not really a sober thing, for the most part. Sometimes, I guess, but when you’re really pushing the limits with sexting, like going in depth or more graphic, it wouldn’t be a sober thing to do.
JULIE: I would slightly disagree. Most of the most graphic sexting situations I’ve encountered have been sober and more have been leading up to something. Like, “Oh, let’s come over tomorrow,” and building up in detail, like what he wants to happen have happen there.
N: I think the only times I would feel pressured about something would be images. I’d say I’ve been pressured in to that. It’s not really my thing.
D: Well with images, it’s expected that you’ll send them back. Like, if you get an image, there’s a pressure that you have to return the image because they’ve exposed that, but with words, it’s much easier to shut it off. A picture says a thousand words, there’s just more pressure added with that.
J: The most I’ve ever been pressured was with pictures. Only one time have [I] ever instigated it, almost every time I haven’t started it. It’s something more they start and will ask questions to keep the conversation going. But ask more provocative or more detailed questions.
N: I would only sext when I was physically in a private place. I wouldn’t be sexting in the middle of class. It’s weird to do with a bunch of people around you. What if they look over your shoulder?
D: If I’ve gotten a weird message, I’ve snuck off from the group to respond. Specifically, if it [were] someone who I was in a relationship with, that would be when I was more likely to sneak away. Because then it’s like you’re more wanting to share with this person rather than someone you just met at a party once.
D: Primarily when I sext, yes, there’s intent. And it often leads to something. But I do get texts from people, and I’ll play along knowing where it’s going to go, and once it gets there, I’m cooled off. So I guess I’m kind of a tease, but I mean, you never know it’s going to go there until it does. But there’s definitely a lot of people who I’ve sexted with that I’ve never actually been with.
N: My concern with that would be, if I sext them, and then don’t hook up with them, then there’s a lot less trust. If they wanted to go around saying what I was saying while I was sexting them, which is a private thing, I would be really upset if I didn’t say, “Well we had a thing, we were hooking up,” rather than just being a dude who sent creepy texts.
*All laugh*
J: We were at a party and I was receiving several images, and Douglas happened to witness them.
N: The whole ‘looking over the shoulder’ thing.
D: I think I asked.
J: I kept looking at my phone [and] being weird about it. Always go[ing] to the bathroom; I did it ten times in ten minutes, and [Douglas] was like, “What are you doing?” and then he came and looked at one of them. So that was an encounter.
N: That was like, extreme sexting. That many texts in rapid succession, he’s going to use up all of your picture messages.
J: With all of the pictures, he was kind of just trying to get me to send one back. Which I didn’t do.
N: She sent him back a picture of her wearing sunglasses with a mustache on them.
D: The goofy text back.
D: Sexting itself isn’t what’s gratifying. It’s the hope that it leads to something else. It’s a step to reach gratification. And sometimes it doesn’t, but there’s always the hope.
J: In my experiences, they don’t just do it for the heck of it. It’s kind of the hoping that something comes out of it.
N: With me, I try to only sext to people I’m hooking up with so I guess it’s more reassurance that it’ll keep happening. It’s a moral booster, too, to have someone say that stuff to you. It [also] turns you on. I guess, (that is) another reason why guys don’t sext in public. It’s distracting, you can’t think of anything else. Like if you’re doing homework and sexting at the same time, it’s all about the sexting.
Discretion note: the names in this Q&A; were modified in order to keep the identities of the sources private.
Reach the writer at Brianna.randazzo@asu.edu or on Twitter @bri_randazzo
