Sex is funny. It was funny in elementary school, it was still funny in sixth grade when I discovered "Sex and the City" and it's giggle-worthy now. These six facts will have you knee-slapping, blushing and squirming before you can say “that's what she said.”
1. “Male fruit flies rejected by females, drink significantly more alcohol than those that have had a successful encounter." (According to an article in Science)
The flies that went home with a lady friend and ‘scored’ consumed less alcohol than their lonely counterparts. Sexually deprived and
Graphic by Thania Betancourtfeeling rejected, the unwanted males embarked on a drinking binge. Sound familiar gentleman? It’s comforting to learn you’re not alone, even if you do share the same characteristics as an insect with a fetish for vomiting on humans. So, cheers to rejection and the knowledge that we all have our dark moments. But put the Fireball back on the shelf, and have a good ol’ fashioned guys night.
2. “In 2008, archaeologists in Cyprus found a 7th-century A.D. curse inscribed on a lead tablet that said, ‘May your penis hurt when you make love.’" (According to an article on ABC news)
That’s a pretty vulgar statement if we consider what the modern equivalent would turn out to be, substituting “penis” for its many lurid slang terms (thank you Urban Dictionary), and replacing “hurt” with an explicit statement that one only finds on bathroom stalls in Tucson dive bars.
Graphic by Thania BetancourtThe point? Bad breakups have been around since the Romans who didn’t even have social media to express their outrage at their boo’s indecent behavior. Be careful what you tweet. In years to come, archaeologists may find your impulsive, sexually frustrated vent and deem it the most important discovery on the nature of collegiate sexuality in the 21st century.
3. “A 2011 study suggested that college-age men and women wouldprefer to get an ego boost (by way of a compliment or an ‘A’)than have sex.” (According to the New York Times)
The “me” epidemic. It’s a phenomenon that is not only baffling scientists, but frightening them. Are college students so narcissistic that we would rather be told how sexy our body is than be shown? Have we reached an era where words speak louder than actions?
Graphic by Noemi Gonzalez/ Concept by Thania BetancourtUnfortunately, it seems the answer is yes. Approval trumps every single desire including sex and eating.
Craving an occasional boost of self-esteem is normal but who in their right mind trades a night of pleasure for, “Hey, I like your Halloween costume!”
4. “Given the choice between lugging textbooks around or remaining celibate for a year, 25 percent of college students surveyed by education software company, Kno, in 2011 chose celibacy.”
Graphic by Noemi Gonzalez/ Concept by Thania BetancourtThis is a plea to professors everywhere: Lighten our backpacks. You know there is a serious issue when one in four of all of your students take the oath of a Buddhist monk purely to relieve back pain.
Let’s put our thinking caps on. Maybe this was a strategy for abstinence all along to give ASU a better reputation. In this case, we applaud you Michael Crow. Well done sir, you have managed to increase homework output while decreasing sexcapades. Just keep in mind you have some very sexually tense students carrying very heavy backpacks.
5. White women are the most likely to engage in anal sex, particularly if they also have a college degree. (According to Lustability)
Graphic by Noemi Gonzalez/ Concept by Thania BetancourtPondering the mathematical equation used to come up with this random sex fact. Does this mean they are more educated and therefore more qualified to make a decision? Or does college teach us more than we think.
The top three most likely majors in no specific order:
1.Equine Science
2.Botany and Plant Physiology
3.Dental Hygiene
6. “The earth could be re-populated to its current level using the number of sperm that could fit into an aspirin capsule.” (According to cuttinclasskidz.com)
The next time you blindly reach for the medicine cabinet after a memorable (or not so memorable) Friday evening, stop and admire the subtle beauty of an aspirin capsule, preferably the translucent Advil Liqui-Gel. Within that capsule you not only hold the key to
Graphic by Noemi Gonzalez/ Concept by Thania Betancourtending your hangover, but the potential to re-populate the earth.
Imagine a post-apocalyptic world where you, the aspirin capsule, and a female friend are the only survivors. It’s up to you to repopulate the earth. I hope you’re good-looking. ASU’s student body reputation depends on you.
Reach the writer at ljlieber@asu.edu or tweet at @lily_lieberman
