Okay, you caught me. I still have my V-card.
Now while some are shocked to find a 22-year-old who’s never messed around, others are appalled by it — particularly potential dates. I cannot tell you how many “getting-to-know-each-other” conversations have ended because I’ve dropped the V-word.
There are those who say I should wear my virginity proudly because it means I’m “pure,” or something. But that is an equally problematic interpretation of sexuality and how it works.
The problem with defining virginity is that no one is really able to define virginity. If it sounds a bit circular, that’s because it is. No matter how you choose to define it, someone is always left out of the “purity ring,” “v-card club,” or “sexually repressed” categories. If we define virginity through heterosexual norms, then we alienate much of the LGBTQ community.
Not to mention we’d have to deal with concepts like Regina George’s famous line, “I was half a virgin when I met him.”
What would that even mean?
It comes down to this: Virginity is a societal construction. It is a rhetorical tool that can be used to shame or to exalt depending on the time, place and group.
As sociologist Laura Carpenter said, “Sexual orientation and gender influenced interpretations of virginity, with women most likely to see virginity as a gift, men to view it as a stigma, and non-heterosexuals to approach it as a process.”
Carpenter implies that notions of sexuality are still unclear. Yet despite our lack of knowledge, we have no problem judging people based on their sexual history, or lack thereof.
Of course some studies have found correlation between becoming sexually active later in life and having a better job and more romantic fulfilling relationships. But the problem with this kind of study is that it still tries to place unwarranted significance to virginity or sexual activity. Moreover, there are still far too many factors to account for — correlation is not causation.
We reach the double standard of virginity when it comes to — you guessed it — gender. Female virginity is simultaneously revered and revolted, while male virginity is seen as a failure. My question is this: If women are supposed to stay pure and men are supposed to be experienced, how the hell are we ever going to achieve any of that? It’s not a logical standard to set for ourselves.
At the end of the day, each of us must define sexuality for ourselves. Virginity doesn’t equal sexual repression, a holier-than-though attitude or inadequacy. On the other hand, sexual activity doesn’t make a woman a slut and it doesn’t make a man a saint.
We need to stop worrying about our sexual status as markers of adequacy or purity. Stop shaming others based on sexual status. Whether it’s active or non-active, it’s not our place to judge.
Reach the columnist at Alexandria.tippings@asu.edu or follow her at@ LexiJ41.
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