Life is all about happiness. It’s an endless search for smiles, memories and things that make us feel good.
Sometimes, however, we aren’t happy with what we already have, so we find brief pleasure in daydreams of what we want. We temporarily suspend our sense of reality and go on a flight around the world in a private jet. There is an entire institution based off this human desire to keep wanting: the lottery.
This week, the multi-state Mega Millions pool reached an all-time high of $640 million. Here is what the members of The State Press editorial board would spend the money on if somehow we overcame the one in 175,711,536 odds.
From the A&E desk: With $640 million, I would hire a medley of artists and entertainers to be on call for any and every possible life scenario. First, Wes Anderson to plan daily outings, organize my social calendar and be my best friend. I would have an entourage on speed dial and readily available for hangouts: Ellen DeGeneres for giggles and advice, Beyoncé for self-motivation, Beirut for romancing and Bill Murray to be Bill F--king Murray. For those days that I need a lady date, Tina Fey would be down to go out for drinks, Vogue editor Anna Wintour for shopping and Amy Poehler for every other situation.
From the news desk: We would invest in a 24-hour coffee kiosk with a barista to follow us around. The news never sleeps and by extension, we don’t either. We’d offer to pay him or her at least minimum wage and a green apron. In return, they will supply us with an ever-constant supply of 32-oz. black coffee at 4 a.m. to begin our day and a 20-oz. iced caramel macchiato for our mid-afternoon pick-me-up.
From the opinion desk: With $640 million, I wouldn’t know where to begin. I certainly wouldn’t want the money to change me so much that I’d end up on some E! True Hollywood Story of cursed lottery winners who blow it all on drugs and lap dances. I’d probably buy a lock of Mark Zuckerberg’s hair and then maybe I’d have enough leftover to pay off my student loans and purchase a lifetime supply of Uncrustable sandwiches. I might also consider paying Justin Bieber to “rebrand” himself with a buzz cut. It would be like “Baby” never happened. Try charming the pants off of America when you look like Timothy McVeigh in skinny jeans, Bieber!
From the photo and design desks: We would buy our own island. Not one of those man-made islands either - a real, pre-existing island. This island would be decked out head to toe with our favorite amenities and, of course, would have running water and electricity. We would also probably need a private jet to come and go as we please.
From the sports desk: We’d buy the Phoenix Coyotes and upgrade the surrounding area of Jobing.com Arena. Keeping the Coyotes in the Valley is important to the local sports scene, as Phoenix is one of 12 cities in the U.S. with all four major sports. The Coyotes have made their way to the NHL playoffs every season since Dave Tippett relieved Wayne Gretzky of coaching duties. Plus, think of all the free food (and beer) we’d have access to as owners of the team.
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