The United States Postal Service made an exciting announcement last month, a rare occasion considering the organization is nearly insolvent. The USPS told the public that it would start printing stamps of living people.
The State Press decided that, since government has a tendency to mess stuff up anyway, we should offer recommendations for people worthy of being immortalized on a postage stamp.
Kayne West: Not only has this man become a successful music artist, but he also has become a cultural phenomenon. We imagine his thank-you speech would be something like this: "Yo, America. I'm really happy for you, Imma let you finish but Kanye has one of the best stamps of all time. One of the best stamps of all time!" Such an articulate man deserves a spot next to George Washington and Ronald Reagan on envelopes.
Sarah Palin: How can we leave her out? This down-to-earth former Alaska governor is representative of everything American. Having lived next to Russia, she possesses both foreign policy experience and a cultural awareness that we should all share. This non-presidential presidential candidate turns out at all the political rallies and events a candidate would attend. Perhaps she should take a break from her faux campaign and turn up on a postage stamp. Either her or a moose, your decision.
Donald Trump: No stamp collection would be complete with out The Donald and his famous comb-over. While he is an American icon, his stamps would be pricey. They would probably be a wallet-busting $1.10. He wants to make sure you have to file for bankruptcy after buying his stamp. Failure to adhere to pay full price will result in a serious look and a “You’re fired,” complete with hand gesture. But the Postal Service might want to be careful considering it might get a “You’re fired” of its own.
Bo, the First Dog: Let’s face it; even though Barack Obama is the first African-American president, passed health care reform and repealed “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” he wasn’t worthy of a stamp. When part of the country thinks you are a socialist leader, it is hard to land on a stamp. But Bo definitely deserves it. Who doesn’t love dogs? Better yet, there is nothing more all-American than the president’s dog. Putting the First Dog on a stamp is the most patriotic thing the USPS could do.
Sparky the Sun Devil: We saved the best for last. As our mascot, Sparky encompasses the true essence of what it is to be a college student — he works hard and parties even harder. The design of the stamp might be a little troubling to some. The pitchfork would slowly begin pushing Sparky out of the picture. By 2020, Sparky will be just a small logo in the corner.
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