Gay author and advice columnist Dan Savage brought his well-known message to the Tempe campus Wednesday, telling students, “It gets better.”
Speaking to more than 100 students in the Memorial Union, Savage said society’s approach toward the gay community needs to change, especially in family dynamics.
He started the “It Gets Better Project” to show gay youth that although they might face bullying and discrimination, they can look forward to a bright future.
Savage started the “It Gets Better” website with his partner Terry in response to gay teen suicides. On the site, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer people can show gay youth what life is like for them now that they are adults.
LGBTQ people from all walks of life can share their stories through videos and show that life did get better, no matter how much bullying they faced in school.
Kids too often assume that school is the world in miniature, Savage said, but a world of possibility and joy opens up after leaving high school.
Savage said he believes it’s going to take at least 100 years for gay people to be fully accepted in society.
“We have to learn to ignore the stuff in the Bible about homosexuality the same way we’ve learned to ignore the stuff about slavery and everything else the Bible got wrong,” Savage said. “But that’s gonna take some time. Religious prejudice is really hard to eradicate.”
Bullying isn’t particular to gay people, but gay people are more likely to commit suicide because many don’t have a supportive family to turn to, Savage said.
“Straight kids get bullied, but they have supportive, loving parents who don’t drag them to church on Sundays where people tell them gay people are going to hell for choosing to be gay,” Savage said. “We have to convince the parents of gay, lesbian, bisexual, [and] transgender youth that their disapproval isn’t going to turn a gay kid into a straight kid.”
Garrett Lewis, communications junior and co-director of ASU’s LGBTQ Coalition, said he didn’t know where to turn once he decided to come out to family and friends as gay during his freshman year at ASU.
His sophomore year, Lewis said he got involved with the LGBTQ Coalition because it was a “safe place” where he didn’t have to deal with his struggles alone.
“On a campus with so many things going on, you feel solitary sometimes,” Lewis said. “The coalition helps with a feeling of inclusion, which is important because not everyone has families that will back them completely.”
Lewis said he’s never felt personally attacked for being gay, but remarks he hears around school like “that’s so gay” contribute to an inhospitable environment for the LGBTQ community.
Projects like “It Gets Better” and the increasing prevalence of gay rights issues in the news are provoking more people — gay or straight — to speak out for LGBTQ equality.
Even musicians are standing up for gay rights, taking the risk of repelling fans that rebuke their views.
The members of indie rock band Steel Train are constantly vocal about gay rights. The group even sells a shirt that reads, “Steel Train and I believe in human rights. Gay rights = human rights.”
Evan Winiker, 28-year-old Steel Train bassist, said the band got behind the cause because not enough people are vocal about it and it’s close to their hearts.
“It's an issue that people are gonna look back on in 20 years and be appalled at how unfair it is that certain rights are being denied for no reason,” Winiker said.
EE Storey, 29-year-old graphic designer for bands like Death Cab for Cutie and Paramore, co-founded the gay clothing company Revel & Riot with 34-year-old writer and Internet marketer Sarah Fobes to advance the cause of LGBTQ equality through art.
“Life goes by too quickly,” one Revel & Riot shirt depicts, the first letter of each word highlighted to spell LGBTQ. “Ask, Tell,” another shirt reads.
The LGBTQ struggle is important because it’s interconnected to all struggles for social justice, Storey said in an e-mail.
“The LGBTQ community is unique because sexuality and gender flow through every other aspect of a person's identity,” Storey said. “There are LGBTQ people of color, immigrants, women, poor people, people with disabilities — the list goes on — and therefore everyone's struggle for justice and equality affects us all.”
Despite continued bullying and inequality toward gay people, Savage said things in fact are getting better and people reach out to him all the time. These people tell him that “It Gets Better” saved their lives.
Some people object to the project because they think it gives gay youth a false sense of hope, Lewis said.
“I don’t agree with that at all,” he said. “I think it’s great. Just telling people that they’re not alone is key because during that time [of coming out] you feel so alone and isolated.”
Winiker also supports the project.
“It's an unbelievable project — those videos are so real,” Winiker said. “They're also extremely helpful for people on the other side of the issue. I just hope more of those people would actually get the chance to see it.”
Straight people should start being better allies, Storey said.
“Straight people are uniquely suited to address homophobia and stand up against it,” Storey said. “They do not have to deal with fear of violence or discrimination — and if they do, it’s not anything like what it feels to experience that and actually be gay or transgender.”
Nothing changes people faster than knowing someone who’s LGBTQ, Savage said.
“Straight people saw when they knew or worked with or were related to gay people that the lies and the myths about us were untrue,” Savage said. “They couldn’t reconcile their prejudices with the gay people in their lives that they knew and loved.”
Society needs anti-bullying programs and gay-straight alliances in schools; it needs to draw a cultural line that exposes bullying and inequality as wrong; and it needs to finally flush down the toilet the idea that being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender is a choice, Savage said.
Lewis had a simpler suggestion for everyone.
“If everyone were just nicer to each other, everyone would feel included and wanted,” Lewis said. “It’s so easy to do — you don’t have to go out of your way to be nice to people.”
Reach the reporter at kkfrost@asu.edu
