Bravo to STD testing. For opening a platform for endless STD puns and also for helping about 200 ASU students at the first-ever “One Glove” Sexual Health Awareness Event. Although the turnout was only a fraction of the ASU populace, the Maricopa County Department of Health footed a much-need bill. In the annual Trojan Brand Condoms 2010 Sexual Health Report Card, ASU’s Tempe campus ranked No. 89 out of 141 schools. No bueno. Even if you practice safe sex, it’s important to check in every now and then for the sake of all of your past and future sexual partners and theirs. So, as random shirts indicated at the event: “Let’s get tested and feel alright.”
Boo to the ASU football team missing the postseason for the third straight season. We recognize that it is partially the team’s own fault and rules are rules, but being denied a waiver still stung. To put it in perspective, 14 six-win teams will play in bowl games this season; all of them rank lower than ASU (6-6) in the Sagarin college football rankings, which measure the strength of a team based on who it has plays and who it beats. That leaves the Sun Devils ahead of teams with seven, eight, nine and 10 wins, but unfortunately, those rankings don’t determine bowl bids.
Bravo to the end of the semester. Your Starbucks gift cards were cashed out by midterms. You haven’t slept in a few days. Your printer is running low on black ink. Your dorm room’s heater hasn’t been working and you’re tired of having to wear outfits suited for two different climates, because the Phoenix weather has been ridiculous like that. We know. And although we’re glad all that school stuff is coming to a close, we’re really just happy to have our lives back in a couple weeks. If only we didn’t have to plow through finals first…
Boo to the never-ending budget problems of our state. Cities in Arizona are now preparing to lose even more money if state officials decide to reject established agreements to share funds. For Tempe, which has already seen considerable cuts to transportation in the last two years, ending the agreement means reworking next year’s budget and possibly having to make more cuts to employment and services. We know the state is in a bad situation, and things need to be done to close the deficit, but breaking these agreements will just leave cities out to dry.
Bravo to The Stale Mess. We here in The State Press newsroom compile a satirical paper at the end of every semester to give everyone a little break from reading arduous sources for term papers and studying for finals. We’re getting excited about the material brewing down in this news hole and hope you are too — even if it’s a simple pleasure. Look out for it on Thursday.
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