Having a hard time finding that last minute Halloween costume? There’s no better place to find ideas than the news. Here are several topical and terrifying costumes pulled right from this week’s top stories. You could dress as:
A pilot with a laptop: The Federal Aviation Administration revoked the licenses of two Northwest Airlines pilots Tuesday for “operating in a reckless manner that endangered the lives and property of others.” Air traffic controllers at Minneapolis International Airport lost contact with Northwest Flight 188 for 90 minutes on Oct. 21 while the pilots overshot their destination by 150 miles because they were distracted by laptops — checking Facebook, potentially? The 144 passengers of the plane would likely run screaming in fear from this costume.
A bear on ice skates: During a rehearsal for the Russian circus program “Bears on Ice,” a 5-year-old bear on skates killed a circus administrator and mauled the animal trainer attempting to rescue him.
Any fan of Stephen Colbert already knows that bears are godless killing machines. Putting razor sharp blades on the ends of their feet is just asking for trouble.
A Stanford football player: You’d be sure to spook any members of the ASU football team, who seemed absolutely terrified of the Cardinal last Saturday, allowing 473 yards of offense en route to being blown out 33-14. You could also simply put on a Danny Sullivan jersey and scare all the ASU fans away.
A newspaper: The Washington Post reported Tuesday that U.S. newspaper circulation has hit its lowest level in seven decades. According to the article, only 13 percent of Americans now buy a daily newspaper. Run up to ASU journalism students and watch them cower in fear at the diminishing value of their jobs!
A naked man: Eric Williamson of Fairfax, Va., was arrested on suspicion of indecent exposure Oct. 23 while naked in his own home. Williamson apparently failed to get dressed before making his morning cup of coffee and was spotted through the window at 5:30 a.m. by a woman walking with her 7-year-old son, who then called the police. The case stirred controversy and arguments about the right to privacy in one’s own home, but also begs the question: Does it count as decent exposure if your nudity is part of a Halloween costume? It’s up to you to find out.
Balloon boy: A distraught nation watched with terror as a balloon believed to be carrying young Falcon Heene drifted lazily across the countryside. While the whole escapade turned out to be an elaborate hoax put on by the Heenes to drum up publicity for an upcoming reality show, you can still benefit. Tie a balloon around your waist and watch the looks of horror you get from fellow party-goers! Alternatively, you could just hide in a box for a few hours and throw up in front of everyone the next day like the real Falcon.
The truth truly is scarier than fiction. Happy Halloween!
Zach is shuddering at the thought of that newspaper costume. E-mail him your ideas at zachary.fowle@asu.edu.
