Tomorrow is Single's Awareness Day and rather than give my rant about how I hate the commercialization of holidays, especially this sentimental one that Hallmark invented to drive up prices on cards and flowers in February, I will talk about unions.
No, not labor unions, or trade unions, or even civil unions. I'm talking about a good old-fashioned merger between companies. I think it poetically fits in with the Valentine's Day theme. One company is feeling all alone, and so it looked for someone else to take care of them. Aww, how sweet.
So, which is the latest company to put its personal ad in the paper?
Yahoo Inc., of course! But don't go getting the wrong idea. Yahoo isn't desperate; she's an old-fashioned girl who likes to be courted. And if you cannot win her heart with wooing, you sure can win it with the largest number.
Microsoft Corp. was the first of her suitors. He promised her $44.6 billion to marry him, but Yahoo isn't a foolish girl. She believes that she's worth more than $31 a share. So, instead, she's looking at Google Inc. and Time Warner's AOL, hoping to find true love — and a nice stack of cash to go along with it.
And what does this columnist think of all this?
Are you kidding me? In my eyes, the $44.6 billion, which Yahoo! reported is the equivalent to $31 a share, is a lot of money. And if you really do want to merge with someone, it usually means you are no longer capable of managing yourself. As my mom used to tell me, "Beggars can't be choosers."
Come on Yahoo. Do you really want to be seen as a golddigger going for more money than is necessary? Microsoft is offering more than you're currently worth. You might as well make it easy on everyone and accept Microsoft's proposal. I mean, sure Google is a pretty sweet guy, but do you really want to end up with AOL? I, for one, don't think a "You've Got Mail"-themed wedding would make for that enjoyable of a celebration.
And maybe you're just holding out because Microsoft offered you more money last year when you rejected him. But really, after that type of rejection, you're lucky he still has his offer as high as he does.
So for Valentine's Day, let's make the loving choice. Give the rose to Microsoft and let him continue his plan for total world domination.
Feeling left out, Ask.com?
Getting lonely, Amazon.com? Send your complaints to Rachel at: mbranch@asu.edu.
