I hate that people feel pressured enough to look a certain way that they would go through surgery to change their appearance, but I respect a person's right to do what they want with their body. That said, I discovered the most desperate and disturbing Web site this weekend that is both hilarious and terrifying to me. Let me put it this way, if it was a joke, it would be an endless source of knee-slappers, but its not. The Web site I refer to is called MyFreeImplants.com. Some of you may have heard of it since SPM wrote about it a couple weeks ago. I am here to provide a little more random coverage and to share with you some of the opportunities offered by this site.
Girls, are you looking to move up a couple sizes in the chest region? Do you not have the finances available to buy a new pair of boobs? Then go to myfreeimplants.com, where you can post photos of yourself with little to no clothing and get paid by site members to send them messages and/or presents, such as your panties. If you work really hard to convince super nice guys like "Greg" to give you donations, then you could be just months away from the cup size you have always dreamed of!
Greg, like many of the benefactors, politely requests that if he sends you a message (which will have an amount of mandatory funds attached, at least $1.70) that you please respond with a photo attached. "Chances are if you don't send a photo…you won't get a response. Too many messages being sent without 'promised' pictures :(." We know that Greg means business by the photo he attached to his profile. In the picture, there is a little doll with pigtails hanging from a door handle. A hand, which we can only assume belongs to Greg, holds a real gun to her head, with a following caption that says, "Post me a comment or else SHE gets it!"
If Greg doesn't sound like someone you would be interested in, then you could instead develop a friendship with "Allie." Allie is "a feminine guy from Australia. A sissy who loves girl talk. Just looking for a chat. I love fashion, shopping and makeup. I wear toe nail polish 24/7/365 and have double AA breasts so I can relate to how some of you girls feel." Allie is the rare benefactor who is not interested in "half-naked photos." He prefers to see a girl in the type of outfit he would like to wear. He demonstrates such an outfit in his profile picture, where he dons a lovely blue button-down and does a curtsy.
For anyone interested in becoming a benefactor, you could help Syringa, who "just wants to become a more well-rounded person," or Schuyler, who claims to be the town bicycle, so "come have a ride!" Visit myfreeimplants.com and make dreams come true.
The girls on this Web site are clearly just taking advantage of their sexuality and the lonely people who want to see them naked. It would be so easy to run a scam through this Web site that I am almost tempted. Unfortunately, my darn morals keep getting in the way, so I am going to share my idea for anyone who doesn't have such an annoying conscience.
First, sign up for a profile on myfreeimplants.com, using photos of some lesser-known porn star or a friend on myspace.com. Send lots of suggestive messages to the "benefactors" and do your best to solicit donations. Make sure to pick a cute name like Lolly Pop or Spanky Behind. Then, take all the donations and use them for a scholarship, a trip to Spain, or a new Vespa Scooter. Whenever funds get low, claim to need some more plastic surgery. If necessary, use Photoshop to create some "after" photos.
It's too bad that there is not a Web site like this for people with legitimate medical needs who cannot afford the care they need. It says something about our society that people are willing to donate thousands of dollars so healthy women can get giant implants instead of giving the money to women with breast cancer who might actually need reconstructive surgery. There are so many people out there suffering from serious diseases that come with ridiculously expensive price tags, yet you don't see a whole lot of folks itching to contribute a portion of their bank account to such individuals with real need. The 19,212 benefactors on myfreeimplants.com could make a big difference by giving to a worthy cause. On the bright side, at least they are providing the world with plenty of shiny, hard cleavage to distract from the bad parts of life.
Become my benefactor by sending donations to Kitty Cuddles at: melissa.mapes@asu.edu.
