Sad but true, klepto is cool. If you don't know a fellow college student who has stolen silverware from a Denny's or swiped a blinky orange candy cane from a construction area, you don't know nearly enough college-aged people.
Maybe I'm desensitized to it all, maybe I'm just a bad person, but as long as it's not personal property, civil rights, a person's identity, or 2nd base against the D-Backs getting ripped off, the stealing trend isn't something that jumps out at me as one of THE big issues of our generation. After all, everyone says they are just "borrowing" these things anyhow, and sharing is caring, right?
Eh, not so much…at least not here.
According to last Thursday's State Press article about ASU's trademark crackdown, our esteemed university has sent notice to Salem High School of Virginia Beach, Virginia to terminate their usage of their "SunDevils" nickname and their "Sunny" mascot. As it turns out, this isn't even the only high school targeted by our valued Trademark Magistrate.
This story really piqued my interest, but not in the good old "I'm proud of my university" way. It was more in the "My school is the douche bag bully picking on the little kids at the playground" kind of way.
Before anything else, it's important to looking at the real question here: Why? I happen to think there must be bigger fish to fry. (I say that with my deepest apologies to the Marlins of Virginia Wesleyan College.)
Our university's Trademark Magistrate seems to think, "ASU has a national and international reputation and this deals with the idea that someone can't take your label and destroy it". Indeed that is a fair and extremely valid point, and it is his job to do so. In that sense, I support the cause 100 percent. Legally speaking, it is also a near certainty that the courts will side with ASU on this. So, cool, a victory for Arizona State. Woohoo. Go Sun Devils.
But, honestly, is it really a cause worth fighting? Is a high school of 1,900 students 2,400 miles away trying to keep up their long-standing SunDevil tradition really that big of a threat to that grand "national and international reputation" of ours?
Far from it. At least not when compared to multiple NCAA violations, the Loren Wade incident, not paying employees, the crazy 'party school' image, having a cold, over-sized corporate-feeling bureaucracy of a university, and so much more.
Funny, I'd say that reputation-wise they are far more pristine than us. In fact, we should be flattered to have other people out there being reputable Sun Devils. Not to mention there's a decent recruiting ploy to be found in "Be a Sun Devil for life" that could help draw Salem's finest and their out-of-state tuition dollars out here.
But if the powers that be think, "Come to ASU, the school that destroyed your high school's tradition and cost them thousands of dollars in uniforms, paint, apparel, etc.!" would work better, let them find out the hard way.
Here's the thing: Sunny doesn't even look like the bastard son — let alone a knock-off — of Sparky, the part of our school's identity that's so truly and deeply our own and worth fighting for. Nor are they technically even using the same name given the lack of spacebar usage between the two words.
But as it turns out, Sunny looks an awful lot like good old Taz the Tasmanian Devil, so maybe while we're reverting to childhood tactics, we should clue in Warner Bros. in a tattle-tale-like fit. Goodness, at this rate, even farmers should be cautious: continue using pitchforks, risk getting sued.
I mean, come on, why stop with Salem High School? As long as we're making fools out of ourselves, let's take anyone we can. SHS itself is located on SunDevil Drive. Let's sue the hell out of the City of Virginia Beach for letting that street name happen.
While we're at it, how about Sun Devil Auto or Sun Devil Fire Equipment or Sun Devil Trophy or Sun Devil Liquor or Sun Devil Plumbing & Rooter? There's quite a lot of cash to be made there. Oh yes, but they aren't random far away high schools minding their own business, so we have no need to intrude.
I'm not letting a minor thing like this off the hook, ASU just looks bad. If the high school had burned American flags at a pep rally, I'd understand not wanting to let them tarnish the Sun Devil name seeing as how we have the power to do so. Otherwise, is it really that big of a deal? Even the kitty-cats down in Tucson are willing to share with 25 other universities and likely hundreds of high schools.
I'm just thankful that the people in charge of Salem High aren't taking this lying down. As they should, they plan to fight back in the name of keeping their traditions alive. And as the only Ben left in the world (yes, as any good ASU student should, I'm planning to send out a blanket "cease and desist" order against anyone unlawfully detracting from my name and likeness), I just want to let Salem know that I'm rooting for them. After all, it's all about that Sun Devil …or SunDevil… pride.
Ben now owes the university thousands of dollars in royalties for using the Sun Devils or SunDevils name 14 times in this column. Help a brother out at: bberkley@asu.edu.
