Despite being the lifelong Tempe resident that I am, there are still a few town hot spots that I've managed to miss over the past 23 years.
For instance, I've never charted a paddleboat down Tempe Town Lake. I've never waited three hours in line at The Library so that I could be denied Miller High Life. Most unfortunately, even, I never had the opportunity to have Dennis boycott my restaurant because I never gave him free food.
And up until last week, I'd never played bingo at the Elks Lodge.
That's right friends, while you were slumming away your spring breaks in Rocky Point, Las Vegas or the original whale's vagina of San Diego, I chose to class it up a bit. And by that I mean straight up throwing down my mad skills at breaking balls.
Well, at least those numbered one through 75, that is.
Nestled between University Veterinary Hospital and the "Dragnet"-inspired milk factory at Broadway Road and Hardy Drive lies BPOE #2251, the brotherhood home of some of Tempe's finest fraternal gentlemen. And on Thursday nights at 6:30 p.m., it's also the home of some of the most intense bingo action I've seen to date.
Which, in my case, means any bingo action at all.
Taking along good friend and Blaze 1260 discjockey Kristen Addison, Spanish and psychology senior, we boldly went where few pre-octogenarians dare to tread. And although we were on break, little did we know that we were about to get schooled.
As we blindly set forth into the unknown, it quickly became apparent that not only were we ignorant, we were also late. Attempting to cause as little disruption as possible, we approached the table in the back where a woman tried her hardest to guide us through the complex world of competitive bingo play.
Even though I didn't understand anything she said, Kristen seemed to pick it up pretty well and before I knew it, I handed over $17 for a full set of cards and $1 for the stamper, which we were told we must purchase in order to play.
Grabbing a table in the back, we spread out our cards, tested our stampers, and I sat back to take a good look at the competition. It's a good thing it wasn't a nice day at Park 'n' Swap, because the median age of the other players was roughly 70, and if I hadn't been sitting down, I would probably have been run over by a variety of colorful Jazzy Scooters.
Please note that I normally try to respect the elderly for their years of community service and ever-handy plethora of butterscotch candies, but I feel safe in saying that if someone visually impaired had entered the room, he or she would probably have mistaken it for a Q-tip manufacturing plant.
Aside from perusing the fellow players, however, I was slightly disappointed in the number of trinkets I saw displayed on tables, as the outside marquee encouraged players to bring their lucky charms.
Although I saw a few angel figurines and my own primitive necklace made of paper napkin holders, I took the most solace in imagining that there were plenty of Makers Mark-filled flasks underneath the table providing some form of luck throughout the evening.
After three hours of intense bingo action and no wins to our name, I do believe I took away a solid feel for the ins and outs of the game. For instance, I can tell you the definition of the Small Picture Frame, Double Postage Stamp and my new Everest, the Floating Nine Pack.
And I can say for sure that if you go next Thursday, make sure to do some arm and neck stretches first. You never know when you might need to battle for your turf against a gassed-up power chair.
Reach the reporter at: heather.hull@asu.edu.
