Here I am, ovaries and uterus in heels and a flouncing skirt, and I have just learned that, according to modern science, I am a man, or worse - a woman.
Now, don't get me wrong - I have been bombarded with gender stereotypes as much as any good little American girl. I willingly stuffed myself into under-wire bras, invasive g-strings and four-inch stilettos, and I certainly grew up in a home where the rights and chores of men and women were carefully delineated.
Among television, fashion magazines and my mom, how could I not know that men are from Mars and women are from Venus?
I have heard plenty of women who excuse their boyfriends' disrespect because "That's how guys are," and I have seen plenty of men publicly ridiculed because "Dude, you throw/talk/walk/pee like a girl."
Believe me, I understand the cultural norm. And yet, the good feminist that I am never accepted a word of it.
So one can imagine my surprise when I recently stumbled upon actual scientific evidence of what I had always considered an absurd, abominable myth, a spoiled remnant of the "think pink" era, a decrepit senile old descendent of Victorian science, and an occasional ASU Greek Life visitor: the theory of the male and female brain.
Apparently, numerous researchers and scientists claim that a biological difference between men and women actually exists and that our irreconcilable differences are owing to a fundamental difference in our brains. According to one researcher, Simon Baron-Cohen, author of "The Essential Difference," men have a systematic brain (you know - rational, logical, in a word: "intelligent"), while women have an empathetic brain (caring, compassionate, in a word: "deficient").
Personally, I do not think that last word appears on my resume. And maybe it is just the cocky reassurance that comes with being a Libra, but I am damn logical, damn smart and damn right. Then again, maybe that is just my man brain talking.
For those of us who do not fit the woman's body/woman's brain (or man's body/man's brain) mold (and Simon assures us that there are plenty) - we, uh, well ... we simply do not fit.
We are different, exceptions, presumably not right. I have taken the liberty of coining the term: "transgenderly brained." So, in addition to "interracial," "Filipino-American," "non-Christian," "Democrat" and "woman," there is just one more minority I can wear on my why-I'll-never-be-president vest.
Could they all be wrong? Could these many researchers and men of science be acting on an age-old myth?
Well, it was "biology" in the 19th century when doctors and scientists concluded that, because the female brain was 12 percent smaller than the male brain, women were an inferior sex, unable to match the intellectual level of men.
Also familiar are the names of Florence Nightingale, Marie Curie and plenty of others I'm sure would have disagreed. In any event, it turns out that those great men of science were actually quite wrong - and that the brain of an elephant is over four times larger than that of a human.
What is unfortunate is that science is not responsible for the everyday, on-campus belief that men and women are unequal - society is. Men are physically bigger and stronger because over thousands of years, boys have been the nutritional priority over girls - a pattern that is passed down in behavior as well as genes.
And while boys are busy being boys, little girls had better not get their dresses dirty. Studies show that when gender, and even race, is made a factor, minorities tend to perform less well on tasks that are traditionally associated with the opposite sex.
When gender and race are not made a factor, however, minorities tend to perform considerably better. The fact that there are more male scientists and engineers than female does not signify a universal truth.
Before the women's revolution, men did better in school and more graduated from college, but today just the opposite is true.
Maybe instead of labeling our capabilities according to our gender, we should be labeling ourselves according to our capabilities.
Reach the reporter at: catherine.traywick@asu.edu.