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Hull: Self-love holidays are the way to go

hull-heather
Hull

Friends, I feel the need to share with you that I experienced a great loss this week. It didn't come from a departure of someone close, nor did it have anything to do with the fact that I haven't been able to play "City of Heroes" in over two weeks. Instead, I experienced a loss of hope.

While greatly anticipating the start of Conservative Pride Week, sponsored by the College Republicans, I received an e-mail detailing the postponement of the week's festivities due to a scheduling issue with the keynote speaker.

Now, I normally opt not to celebrate any specific political party's belief over another's in print, but I do have to admire a group that loves itself so much that they devote an entire week to their own club.

So in order to come to terms with my grief, I have decided to use this venue as a berth for my new opus. Right here and now, I am announcing that next Monday will be the start of something special, nay, something glorious. That's right, folks, I'm talking about Heather Pride Week.

Perhaps you're a little confused. You're probably asking yourself, "Why, isn't every week Heather Pride Week? How else can I justify the purchase of completely ridiculous and non-sensible footwear?"

These questions are indeed understandable. However, while informal allegiances to Heather Pride are always appreciated, April 3-7 will mark the official international celebration. And so with that, let's introduce the daily themes.

Monday: "Spend More Time on Your Hair Today than Most People Do All Week" Day.

Just like me, you too can wake up extra early to keep all the companies that comprise the Walgreen's hair product aisle in business. Think you don't need to shampoo every day? Wrong! What if you leave out that extra dollop of mousse? Denied! How about not worrying about something as superficial as hair and being happy with yourself? You have never made less sense!

Tuesday: "'Gilmore Girls' Awareness" Day.

That's right. Today's the day to get all that fast-talking, vocabulary-extending and pop-culture-referencing love out into the world. Think you've got a dog that's crazy? I've got two words for you: Paul Anka.

Wednesday: "Drop It Like It's Hot" Day.

No matter where you are, what you're doing, who you're with or what's at stake, when you hear that phat beat, today's the day to let it all go. Forget there's a world outside your headphones and break out with the moves you thought only existed in "Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights." You know I will.

Thursday: "Hug a Tuba Player" Day.

I think we've all watched "Drumline" enough to know that the tuba section is the hardest-working, least-appreciated and downright most-pimp group of individuals in the entire marching band. And to honor that spirit, I suggest you waste no time in locating the closest tuba player and hugging him or her like he or she's never been hugged before. Because, honestly, they don't get that much play as it is.

Friday: "Miller High Life Appreciation" Day.

It's cold, crisp and served in a distinctively clear bottle. Need I say more?

Heather Hull is a communication senior with questionably high self-esteem. Hug her like the tuba player she is at heather.hull@asu.edu.


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