ResLife has decided to change the name of the McAllister Academic Village. We guess the name just doesn't roll off the tongue as nicely as expected (but is much better than the original McAllister Supercalafragaliciousexpealadocious International University Experience of Living and Studying in Close Proximity).
After putting it to a vote, they've come up with "Hassayampa" as a replacement. Go ahead, say it out loud. Now try "Chuparosa" or "Fluffgrass."
OK, so the plan was well intended, but the new names are terrible. And FYI: legend has it that those who drink from the Hassayampa River can never again speak the truth, so we should expect to see an increase in political science majors come out of here.
These names have little to do with education, or even Arizona as a whole. The Hassayampa River, which is dry most of the year, is just as much a mouthful as the previous name.
The State Press wants to help, and while we know university rules say the residence hall names have to reflect something in the ASU desert, it's tough to believe the most noble-sounding plant they could think of was the Fairy Duster.
So we've compiled a top-ten list for ResLife, with names that may or may not be more relevant to an academic environment. In the end, people will make fun of and eventually get used to any name, so call it what you will. Just don't say "dorm." Enjoy!
10. Candy bars: 100 Grand (with the meal plan this is the amount of money you should set aside to live there), Whatchamacallit (for undeclared majors), Twix (for double majors) and Take Five (for interdisciplinary students).
9. MC Hammer songs: "Can't Touch This" (for the health-and-wellness or all-female wings) and "Too Legit to Quit" (for sixth-year seniors).
8. '80s ad campaigns: Where's the Beef? (the vegetarian hall) and Mikey Likes It! (President's List students).
7. Alcohol, to remind students of what they're missing in the residence halls: Jungle Juice (a smorgasbord of students) and Miller High-Life (the economy dorm).
6. 90s television shows: "Full House" (one bathroom, popular with male freshman), "Family Matters" (for married students) and ReBoot (for computer graphics majors).
5. Political scandals: Watergate (a dorm only for Republicans) or Lewinsky ( this hall's reserved for the Democrats).
4. Starbucks drinks: Grande Triple Percent Latte (for those who need to stay awake, like nursing or pre-law majors) or Iced Venti Caramel Macchiato (for everybody else).
3. Academy Award nabs: "Good Night, and Good Luck" (the hall with a curfew), "I ♥ Huckabees" (philosophy majors) and "Network" (broadcast journalism students).
2. Adult Swim shows: "Sealab 2020" (marine biology majors), "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" (for future nutritionists) and "Space Ghost" (psychology majors)
1. Student organizations that think they're more important than they actually are: USG (no Alamoodis allowed), RHA (you know, the ones who voted on the names in the first place) and...Oh yeah, The State Press..
