June
If You Speak Any Faster
(Victory)
1 and a half out of 5 stars
Hey, bro! Have you experienced any hardships lately? Has your heart been broken? Running low on black hair dye? Hey, ladies! Looking for a guy who is on the cutting edge of fashion and still manages to have a sensitive soul? Have we got the guys for you (as evidenced by pages of lyrics talking about nothing but their former relationships in poetry). June is just waiting for you to pick up its disc and become acquainted with its version of safe, vaguely angsty rock. Listen to tracks like "Elevators are Matchmakers" or the current single "Patrick," and you'll realize this has all the overproduced vocal harmonies and "emotional" tempo changes you need. Yes, with albums like If You Speak Any Faster ..., you won't ever have to worry about moving past self-absorbed self-pity and having to educate yourself about issues worth being upset about.
