There is something stinky going on at the border, but it's not being perpetrated by dehydrated families that finally flop onto American soil only to sneak into the bottom echelon of our workforce.
No, these latest Sonoran shenanigans are courtesy of Arizona Homeland Security Director Frank Navarrete and his boys -- an array we commonly refer to as "the GOP."
It's that time of year again, the holidays. Arizona's brightly wrapped bundle: its allocation of Federal Homeland Securities funds. This year, the funds topped out at $41.7 million.
State Rep. Russell Pearce, R-Mesa, did the best job of describing the squabbling for funds in an interview with Le Templar of the East Valley Tribune.
"Anytime there's money available, they are going to go after it because it's free money," he said. "It's not a matter of picking on them, but somebody has to say 'no.'"
Great point, Russ. You were talking about the members of your own party, right?
Republicans are clamoring for this round of Homeland Security ducats to be spent on beefing up border security. Not additional chemical decontamination equipment. Not more fire engines and police cars. Not even death-ray satellites that could zap terrorists from outer space. Nope -- they want to spend tax dollars on more border security for illegal immigration and thus dispelling the Minutemen.
I can see the rationale ... sort of. I imagine that the High Life is getting warm in trailer parks throughout southeastern Arizona, and the dog hasn't been beaten in weeks. Maybe it is time to bring the boys home.
Oh ... but that money was supposed to be earmarked for protecting the U.S. against terrorism. The last time that I checked, illegal immigrants weren't terrorizing anything but overgrown lawns and dirty homes.
Where does this extreme right-wing obsession with ending illegal immigration come from? Just looking at Russ' track record it would seem like trying to connect the problem of illegal immigration with terrorism is sloppy, opportunistic logic.
First it was the claim that illegal immigrants put an undue burden on the economy. But the point was made that illegal workers pay income tax and contribute to Social Security, but can't reap the benefits to the same extent as U.S. citizens.
The Arizona GOP dusted off the party abacus, sequestered for a crash course in basic arithmetic, 9/11 happened and they emerged with a new theory, a theory that brilliantly sparkled with airtight logic and smelled like a perfectly mixed martini.
Terrorism is based in fundamentalist Islam. Obviously, we should look to the home of fundamentalist Islamic extremists -- Mexico, silly! When they're not building bombs, terrorists are chillin' in Acapulco with a margarita. It's common knowledge.
But maybe (and it's definitely a stretch) Republicans have harbored a disproportionate resentment for illegal immigration for years, and now they have a reason to get medieval. Maybe the right has grown tired of being told not to be such a baby and to get over it.
Now they have what appears in passing to be a legitimate reason to tackle an issue that has long been a sore spot for them.
But hey, that's just crazy talk. Our legislators are as honest and upright as they can be.
I mean, no conservative would use terrorism to push an alternate, personal agenda, right?
Arthur Martori is a journalism senior. Sneak an undocumented e-mail to arthur.martori@asu.edu.
