As a college student, there comes a point in every fall semester when you realize summer is over, and you are officially back at school.
For some of us, it's buying books. For others, it's eating in the Memorial Union. For a few, it's even strolling down Palm Walk - and praying you're not photographed without your consent and placed on a heteronormative, misogynistic and downright creepy Web site.
For most of us, however, it's that first big test that gets us right back into the swing of the semester - reminding us, not only are we on this highway to knowledge for a reason, but we're trying to find the party off the nearest exit.
Because every fun/non-educational activity in which we participate can be justified as a "life lesson," I've assembled some tips to help you maximize your actual allotment of studying time - so you can circumvent the need for that "extra credit assignment" from your 53-year-old chemistry TA.
First and foremost, find a good study location. Maybe it's the library; maybe it's your bedroom. Or, if you're like me, it's overpriced coffee houses (like The Muse) that lure you in with the appeal of being open 24 hours - the ones that later shut down while you're out of town, leaving you with no hope of return.
Whatever place you choose, though, it's best if it has good lighting, isn't too noisy and has an easy escape plan - for when the police raid, and you discover you've been doing your assignment in a front for Tempe's cat juggling racket home base.
Next up, make sure you have easy access to all of the materials you need to be successful, including books, writing utensils and even beverages.
For example, one student may have her fossil hominids textbook, a laptop and a cup of coffee. Another may have his poetry notebook, a pen and a Red Bull. Some students may take a different route and have some Funions, a few bottles of Miller High Life and their favorite copies of Archie Comics. Try out different styles this semester to see what works best for you.
Make sure to wear comfortable clothes to avoid the distractions caused by stifling raiment. If you choose to wear gaucho pants, however, I will take it as a personal insult - and possibly even glare at you from across the room while you happen to be looking the other way.
If you're sharing a workspace, like in a coffee shop, others in the room may occasionally attempt to strike up some small talk. Do your best to take care of this issue immediately, since the last thing you need distracting you is someone claiming he saw you on PalmWalk.com.
If they ask what book you're reading, turn it upside down, shake it and claim it doesn't matter, "because the voices speak best when they can fall out of the words."
If something like that doesn't work, and they try to keep up the banter, casually mention your STD or how you're still hurting from Creed's breakup. After saying that, no one will ever speak to you again.
Above all, work to stay focused, in order to get the most out of your studying time. Steer clear of obvious distractions like loud music, crowded spaces and any opportunity to play the video game "Colosseum: Road to Freedom." Once you create your own gladiator and know the utter enjoyment that comes from beating your friend's gladiator in a match to the death, the idea of studying pales in comparison.
Hopefully this advice will come in handy when preparing for those first big assignments. If it doesn't, just remember: I'm a communication major. What do I know about studying?
Heather Hull is a communication senior who fits in study time between "Gilmore Girls" and keeping it real. Send her the Cliffs Notes at heather.hull@asu.edu.
