It is a hard life they lead. They slave over hot fryers. Long shifts are punctuated by irate customers and ultra-heated shortening. The fryers may only burn the skin, but belittlements singe the soul.
As if the lives of Col. Sanders' rank-and-file employees were not difficult enough, now Pamela Anderson has reared her far-from-ugly head to demand the boycott of their employer and (de facto) the elimination of their jobs.
Anderson recently spoke out against KFC's treatment of their raw material -- chickens. "I'm asking people to boycott KFC until the company demands that its suppliers stop crippling chickens and scalding them alive," huffed Anderson. "No animals should have to suffer this way, whether they're cats or dogs or chickens."
Anderson failed to comment on the chickens being floured, battered and then dropped into cooking oil.
This campaign -- led by Anderson and People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) -- is the most recent addition to a resume of criticisms.
To Anderson's credit, the proletariat working at KFCs nationwide is not alone in bearing the brunt of her wrath.
Anderson has spoken out against some of her fellow celebrities' propensity to wear fur. In a tirade against the red carpet set, Anderson fumed, "People who wear fur smell like a dog in the rain. And they look fat and gross."
The peroxide-pundit continued her rant: "Every season, the furriers put propaganda everywhere that fur is taking off again, and they give free coats to idiots like Jennifer Lopez and Puff Daddy. It makes me nauseous."
Both Puffy and I learned something from Anderson's vocalizations. Puffy learned that he has no chance in hell at costarring in the final episode of the Anderson trilogy -- following in the footsteps of Tommy Lee and Brett Michaels.
And I learned that the word "irony" actually has nothing to do with the medium by which starch is applied to wrinkled clothing. I had to ask a 5- year-old why it was "ironic" that Anderson was so concerned with the well-being of chicken when she propagates the suffering of so many young women.
In an article written for L'Express, health psychologist Doreyya Mohungoo lays it out for us. "Our society determines a woman's success and worth by her looks while ignoring other aspects of her person. Being thin increases personal attractiveness, which in turn leads to psychological and social benefits. The increase in plastic surgery, liposuction, breast implants, tummy tucks and face-lifts, etc., illustrates the extreme adjustments many women feel they must make to attain the ideal body."
In her article, Mohungoo also cites anorexia and bulimia as products of an obsession with physical perfection.
Obviously, Anderson didn't care about the situation with Terri Schiavo. That, or the smart person who tells her what to say so she can seem deeper than just a centerfold/porn star failed to mention that bulemiawas responsible for Terri Schiavo's state before her death.
The value placed on Anderson's "assets" cause young women to become willing to starve themselves to achieve such a physique.
It is feasible that Anderson gained her spank-candy looks through diet and exercise. But then it would follow that she would be a public figurehead for healthy eating or regular exercise.
There is a world of difference between "look at me and mimic my behavior so you can look the same" and "look at me and mimic my idiotic politics so you can look the same."
Pamela Anderson speaking to me as an authority on morals and politics is fallacious, and the masterminds behind PETA must know this.
If they do know the inherent wrongness in standing Anderson up in front of the public to give a sermon, they are too lazy or too shifty to give a rat's ass.
It begs one to ask how much credibility should be given to an organization that would gladly utilize a catalyst for the suffering and death of America's young women in exchange for the comfort of fryer-bound poultry.
Oh, if only I possessed the flaccid conscience of Pamela Anderson and the directors of PETA. Truly, if I were living a lie, I might be a bit hesitant to appear in public to pick at society's irritating habits while ignoring its heinous crimes -- crimes to which I would be an accomplice.
One thing's for damn sure. I'm going straight to my hard drive to delete all of my MPEG files of Pamela with Tommy and Brett. Well ... except for the good parts.
Arthur Martori is a journalism junior. Fry his character at arthur.martori@asu.edu.
