I've never been much of a ladies man, but a few weeks ago I thought my luck had changed. I was sitting in Starbucks reading "The Blind Watchmaker" when the sweet scent of vanilla wafted into my nostrils. At first I thought someone was restocking the pastry display, but when I looked up I saw an extremely attractive young woman smiling at me.
She had stunning green eyes, and for a moment I was speechless. Fortunately, she spoke first.
"What are you reading?"
"A book."
"What's it about?"
I recovered my composure and explained that the book was about evolution and that it's author, Richard Dawkins, is one of the best scientific thinkers alive. I used lots of big words and sweeping hand gestures. I even threw in a few of my own thoughts on the subject.
When I finished, she locked me in her emerald gaze and said, "Really. Do you mind if I sit down?"
On the inside I was doing cartwheels, but on the outside I played it cool. "Sure. Go ahead."
"Well, uh..."
"Chris."
"Well, Chris, it sounds like a very interesting book, but I can't help but wonder how it compares to the greatest book ever written -- the Bible."
Once again, I was speechless.
"Chris, I'm worried that reading such things may be endangering your immortal soul. I want to help you. I want to tell you about Jesus. Will you let me tell you about Jesus?"
"Well, uh..."
"Amy."
"Amy, I'd love to hear about Jesus, but just last week I had a guy tell me about Mohammed and my god got pissed. You see, I worship Crom, the god of iron and steel who lives in the mountain across the far waters, and he's not keen on competition.
"I only talked to the guy for five minutes and the next day I came down with the flu. I lost 30 pounds off my bench press and nearly an inch off each bicep. Sorry, I can't risk it."
Amy stood up and walked away.
I can't say I was happy to see her go. On top of being gorgeous, she smelled wonderful.
I began to wonder if she was right. Maybe the Bible is the greatest book ever written.
Then I remembered I've read the Bible. Except for the part where everybody is begetting each other, it's not that good. No, there had to be a better candidate for "greatest book ever written."
I thought about "The Epic of Gilgamesh." It's been in print since before most cultures had writing. Hell, it even has a flood story.
Or how about the collected works of Shakespeare? Ol' Bill could really weave a tale. He was the original "Slick Willie."
So many works of literature began flooding my consciousness I could barely stay afloat. And what about philosophy and science? I couldn't imagine eliminating authors such as Nietzsche, Freud, Darwin or even William James from contention.
Egad! If I was going to name who had written the "greatest book ever written," I had my work cut out for me.
Then, like an epiphany, I heard the voice of Albert Einstein: "It's all relative my son; it's all relative."
I realized that what Albert meant is that people will have their own subjective interpretation of what constitutes the "greatest book ever written." But people who choose to read from a wide variety of books -- as opposed to dedicating their lives to studying just one -- may find that their literary assessments change over time. They may find themselves thinking in terms of " the greatest books ever written."
Amy may not have enlightened me about Jesus that day, but she definitely gave me something to think about. Sometimes when I smell vanilla it reminds me of Amy. I wonder if she worked at a bakery.
Chris is an anthropology senior. Chastise him for being a heathen at christopher.t.davis@asu.edu.
