In their infinite wisdom, the members of Congress have devised a new priority system for several thousand of the remaining doses of this year's increasingly scarce flu vaccine. And obtaining yours might be easier than you think. All you have to do is become a member of Congress.
A congressional seat is easier to win than the lottery, and there are all sorts of other perks, too. But topping this year's list has to be their new priority immunization program.
Members of Congress and their staff are eligible to receive flu shots at no cost from the capitol's attending physician. And he encourages all 535 federal lawmakers to come running because of their heightened risk of infection.
According to the spokesman for Dr. John Eisold (physician to the downtrodden congressional masses), "members of Congress are at high risk because they shake hands with a lot of people."
Said spokesman (who for some strange reason demanded anonymity from the Washington Post) put the total number of dispensed Capitol Hill flu vaccines at 2,000, but ensures lawmakers and the public that no congressman will go un-served.
Such developments really have me thinking. I had no idea constituent interaction put our lawmakers at so much risk. You would have thought all those police and metal detectors on the Hill would have been enough to protect Congress from the people they serve.
I'm really glad our lawmakers have the foresight to take care of themselves. There's obviously no risk of infection for us, since physical interaction is all but unheard of outside of the Beltway. But in the wild maze of handshaking and deal making that is Capitol Hill, who knows what dangers may lurk?
Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist even had the courtesy to send letters to each of his 99 senatorial colleagues reminding them to get their shots because they mingle with so many people. Mingling, like the flu, is obviously another of the diseases members of Congress transmit.
Unlike the flu, however, there is not yet a vaccine for mingling, so I urge our lawmakers to be especially diligent and avoid mingling as well. For the uninitiated, mingling is often accompanied by uncontrollable fits of handshaking, as well as increased urges for wheeling and dealing.
So to the disease magnet, mingling-obsessed, lawmaking hordes, I commend stockpiling of one of our nation's scarcest commodities. Your sagacious logic shows once again the power inherent in taking care of oneself. The rest of us be damned.
You've got a country to run and mingling to do. But be careful. The biggest threat to your health and your ability to serve may be the very people who elected you.
And to the rest of you: Be glad your lawmakers are taking such good care of themselves. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't hesitate to give your congressional representatives a call to ensure that they've gotten down to see Dr. Eisold and secure their vaccine. The capitol switchboard number is (202) 225-3121.
I'm sure they'll be glad to hear from you as you fulfill your civic duty. And while you've got them on the line, maybe you'll want to ask them what they're going to do to avoid just this sort of interesting scenario during the next election cycle.
Brian Clapp is a biology and political science senior. He encourages your comments at leisurestudies@asu.edu.
