There's nothing quite like going into a bathroom, hearing the soothing splashes of water as you relieve your bladder and then flushing it all away somewhere -- who knows where -- in a final testament to technology and economic wealth.
Well, those days will shortly be gone for ASU males, as all standing urinals will soon employ oil instead of water (see story page 1).
We know what you're thinking. We were thinking the same thing: Aren't we in an oil crisis right now? Shouldn't we try to conserve oil and slowly wean our dependency on the volatile Middle Eastern market?
Breathe easy, though -- it's not that kind of oil. Guess we won't have to endure any "no blood for urinal oil" protesters at least. Maybe we can avoid another alternative-fuels scandal to boot.
It uses a rather simple principle of being lighter than urine yet thick enough to keep gas from coming back up. Mind you, some urine is lighter than others. If this technology moves to Four Peaks, we figure they'll have to use Oil Light or something like that.
Of course, thinking of these suckers in a bar brings up another valid concern -- smokers. This could be some American Cancer Society campaign to discourage smoking in bathrooms. You're just innocently having a smoke and relieving yourself. You throw the butt in the urinal, and WHOOF! You look like the Human Torch on a bad day.
Oh wait, it's not that kind of oil either.
We suppose there's a lot of room to play with oils. You could go with vegetable oil for culinary schools, virgin olive oil for Center Complex -- extra virgin for Residential Life.
Right now it's just for the standing urinals, but once this idea catches on for toilets, Oil of Olay would be nice.
There's no flushing, so there's also no people refusing to flush. You know that one urinal that hasn't been flushed since Crow was a freshman -- the one where the water is a lovely shade of brown -- we'll endure its stench no more.
All conspiracies considered, we think this is a pretty swell idea. It will save ASU a lot of money over time, and being that we live in a desert, conserving a few gallons of water would be a wise idea.
Granted, it probably has the auto-flush manufacturers in a bit of a fury, but that "I see you" concept is a little too Big Brother anyway.
And we're not saying we would want to be the guy to change out the oil, but the new urinals will need a lot less maintenance.
The most convincing point is this: Ever go to the bathroom and have the alleviation of all that pressure make you smile? Well when you flush, tiny droplets of toilet water shoot out several feet in all directions.
Suddenly our mouths don't feel so minty fresh.
