You meet a lot of people in college. That's one of the cool things about the whole deal -- loads of new friends, acquaintances, enemies, lovers, mentors, potential organ donors and the like. The only problem with that setup is that meeting new people eventually reaches its limit. If you're not there yet, you will be.
The symptoms of this unfortunate social saturation are pretty easy to spot. The cool person in your science lab who really "gets" you and was also into Modest Mouse "way before they were popular" probably seems like a lifelong companion at this point. You've probably traded fevered pitches of going to all the cool museums in Europe during some idyllic semester abroad and watching Stanley Kubrick films all night. Chances are, a semester or so later, you won't even see that person again.
That's not a knock on the guy behind "Full Metal Jacket" or the indie rock boys; it's just a realistic look at college relationships -- platonic or otherwise. We're constantly exposed to new people on such a frequent basis that it's impossible to keep track of them all.
Everything has a shelf life, even personal interaction. That probably seems harsh, but it's better to learn something from the experience than to perpetuate the relationship past its natural ending date.
Living on campus is a perfect example of college's ephemeral effect. If you get along pretty well with your roommate, chances are you'll have the best of intentions to keep hanging out after the year ends. Yet once that built-in reason to see each other disappears, it becomes harder and harder to fit such people into your schedule. Nothing personal; just a life lesson that college teaches outside of the classroom. Obviously, stronger relationships will persevere, but it's inevitable that many of these bonds have short-term ties.
This extends beyond the roommate dynamic and into the larger "Hey, we all live on the same floor -- let's be buddies!" way of thinking. It makes perfect sense while it's happening, but once that unifying thread vanishes, it doesn't quite last.
This is often a sign that the relationships forged weren't quite as strong as they likely appeared. Perhaps living on the same floor was the best reason you had to be buddies, and without that you're just a bunch of people trying to finish college and get on with your lives. You'll run into them on campus, sure, but it'll start with a hug, evolve into a wave and then slowly degenerate into an awkward "Do I know that guy?" stare. Just wait.
Student organizations are also guilty of this come-and-go. You can spend an entire semester or even years working closely with the same individuals, and come graduation, it's all gone. Yeah, you might have tighter bonds with one or two folks, or exchange e-mails periodically with a few others. But the bulk of the ones with whom you planned awesome fundraisers or manned radical tables outside the Memorial Union are likely to be gone from memory in the near future.
The most insidious aspect of this trend is not even with people with whom you develop a rapport: it's the people you don't like. You know, that loudmouth in class who took notes on a Palm Pilot, talked your ear off about the importance of Pink Floyd in the annals of rock history and carried around a stack of Nietzsche books that weren't for class, just being read for intellectual value.
Invariably, these vile scum are the ones who you will see most often after it becomes reasonable to do so. They'll pop up in the funniest places. Maybe they work at a store or restaurant you frequent; they might have a steamy affair with your best friend. The one constant is that you won't be able to get rid of them, no matter how hard you try, and it only gets harder having the "So ... what have you been up to?" conversation.
Naturally, there are some relationships that start in college that will end up being a little more meaningful. But keep in mind that these are the exceptions and most will last about as long as the computer science major you started out with as a freshman. (Really, what were you thinking?) That doesn't mean that they're not important. In fact, such brief connections are a big part of the college charm.
Just keep them in the proper context. Yeah, there's a chance that the person working in your group presentation really is your soul mate, but there's a better chance he or she just respects the skillful way you integrate clipart into your PowerPoints.
Albert Ching is a journalism senior and he definitely remembers you from that thing that one time. Reach him at albert.ching@asu.edu.
