Dos students sick of hearing about Dos Gringos
"Hi, this is two concerned students from ASU. We wanted to call and complain about all the ragging you're doing on Dos Gringos moving, which is still moving across the street just on a different part of campus. University Drive does not constitute all of ASU. ASU does cover Rural, Apache, Mill, and University Drive all together. So please stop. It's really annoying. Thanks. Have a great day."
Everybody lay off the Bush
"Yeah, everybody needs to lay off George W. Bush because he's our president, and it's our job to support him."
'Crazy C' rises to the challenge
"Hey, this is 'Crazy C,' and I just want to say it's oooon. And, also, the loser of the jalapeno popper-eating duel on the 27th has to pay for the jalapeno poppers. Bring 'em. And I'll bring the receipt. Word to your mother."
'Crazy C' tries to amend statement
"Sorry, Talk Back, this is 'Crazy C' again. I would like you to add a Sha-ka-ka at the end of my last statement. And have it, you know, bold and italicized, so I can be cool like Bryan Wynne. Parentheses sarcasm."
The fake Bryan Wynne calls for a tag team event
"Hey, it's 'Bryan Wynne,' and stuff. I'm gonna make the game a little more interesting. Bryan Wynne and I, 'Bryan Wynne,' will challenge 'Crazy C' and 'Big D' to the jalapeno popper-eating contest. And stuff! Make sure the sororities are there, under penalty of death if they should not attend. And ... uh ... uh ... the winner gets crowned king of the universe. And stuff. And ... governor of California. High noon. The 27th. I'll be there."
Crow should officiate jalapeno popper duel
"Yeah, hi. I was just a reader of your articles, and I was just curious. I'm really interested in this Bryan Wynne jalapeno-eating ordeal. I would like for President Michael Crow to be in attendance to officiate everything and make sure everything goes smoothly. If Michael Crow assumes that he can't do it, then I guess The State Press could be there to take some pictures. Like that would be pretty cool. Bye."
A call for zombie rights
"Zombie rights now."
Bush gets 100 percent of Ryan's support
"Hey, this is Ryan. I wanted to say that George Bush is the man, and I support him 100 percent. And those guys who wrote in just to say that they hate George Bush, they need to get a clue."
Ryan calls back to do the Dean roar
"Hey, this is Ryan again. I just wanted to say that George Bush isn't the man, he's thee man. And he's gonna win in 04. John Kerry is going down. He's going down to Chinatown. Haaaaaaa. That's my Howard Dean yell. Later."
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