There is a plethora of things we do while driving that should probably be illegal.
Some of us shave, some of us eat, some of us attempt to read the newspaper on the way to work. All of us have done the granddaddy no-no of them all by talking on our cell phones while driving. (I wouldn't have targeted that one if the blonde girl in the Jetta hadn't cut me off yesterday on the 202 while feverishly chatting.) Some European countries are even ticketing drivers for the appearance of talking on a cell phone even if they aren't!
But now there is a new diversion to log in the book of don'ts while driving.
Believe it or not, I'm talking about watching porn.
Andre Gainey, a 35-year-old New York man found this out the hard way while driving his 1994 Mercedes Benz around Schenectady, N.Y., while watching an adult movie entitled -- let me compose myself quickly -- "Chocolate Foam."
Technology has enriched our lives greatly in various ways, and evidently, it enabled Gainey a new means by which he could delve into his private life that suddenly became not-so-private. It is already illegal to use cell phones while driving in New York. A spokesman for the New York State Department of Motor Vehicles told Reuters earlier, "Drivers should be driving." You would think so, wouldn't you?
Lt. Pete Frisoni, spokesman for Schenectady police said that Gainey was seen by a detective at a stoplight next to police headquarters, oddly enough, and then was pulled over when the officer noticed the movie playing on screens built into the car's headrests. Another screen was embedded in the passenger-side visor which Gainey had positioned to face him, allowing him to watch while driving. "It appears to my knowledge to be the first of its kind in this area," said Frisoni. "A first for us, anyway."
I hope to God it's the last.
While the story is hilarious, I find it disturbing that Gainey would do such a thing. The mere fact that he drives such a supped-up vehicle might lead one to believe that he could easily afford some way of privately viewing his smut, rather than taking it out on the streets. Here's something else that's funny: according to Frisoni, Gainey's address is on a street called Lookout Lane. Oh, the irony.
In the long run, however, Gainey chose poorly and was arrested on charges of public display of offensive material and driving while watching television. I bet that's something Philo Farnsworth never envisioned his miraculous invention of TV to turn into. Gainey was driving with a suspended license and attempted to give police a pseudonym while being fingerprinted, finally adding a charge of forgery to the night's melee of events, which bumped his misdemeanor charges up to that of a felony.
Would it now be unfair of me to officially classify this guy as an idiot?
So, while this news bounces off all corners of the world, just remember to keep it where it belongs. For some people it's underneath a bed, in a closet or on a dozen or so CD-ROMs that your brother burned for you last Christmas. For some people it simply belongs in the trash.
Whatever happens, keep it out of the public view, and by all means, to prevent any further restrictions on those of you who aren't simply satisfied with just driving, keep it out of the car too.
John Ronquillo is a journalism senior typing while driving somewhere along University. Reach him at johnron@asu.edu.
