Well kids, the Super Bowl defied tradition this year and actually gave us a super game. But now that the big game is history, what do we do with our lives?
That's where your old pal Nick comes in, folks. From now until March Madness, as Andy Dufresne would say, "the pickins are pretty slim in the yard."
After a lot of drinking and a little thinking, I've compiled a list of the top five things to do or watch during our leap-year-lengthened-sports-purgatory some call February.
One note before we begin, this list is in no particular order. Anyway, without further adieu, here we go.
1. Watch ASU baseball. Pat Murphy's "Desert Demons" open the season this Friday against Florida State. Last season, the Devils had a 54-14 record, including a completely insane 28-1 record to start the season. But the greatest stat from last year may be the combined 36-4 they beat Arizona in three games. Last year, none of the polls gave ASU any respect, and it cost them in the playoffs when they were screwed out of a home series. This year should be different, so go out to Packard Stadium this weekend and show these guys some love.
2. Speaking of baseball, Spring Training begins this month. Pitchers and catchers will report beginning February 19, and position players will arrive the 24th. While you may not be a big baseball fan, you can always go to Scottsdale and see exactly what kind of woman these guys would cheat on their wives with. Girls, maybe you could sucker one of them into a one-nighter and hit the lottery. Just make sure he's actually a regular, or you might get stuck trying to garnish your baby-daddy's wages from the Beloit Snappers. I don't care what they tell you, minor league ballplayers don't make much.
Speaking of baseball players at bars, I remember the time I saw Frank Thomas at a bar in Tucson. It was a Tuesday night, so there were probably 20 people in the bar, and you really couldn't miss Frank. I had just read a rather lengthy article about his recent divorce and how hard it was on him, and how he wasn't going to mess around for a while. So there's The Big Hurt with three ugly, chunky girls hanging all over him--and he's having the time of his life. He must have had plenty to drink, because these girls were about a 13 combined. I remember feeling bad for the guy for some reason. He's probably worth at least $50 million even after the divorce, and he's stuck in Tucson with some ugly gold-diggers.
There's four major league teams training within 20 miles of the campus, the Anaheim Angels in Tempe, San Francisco Giants in Scottsdale, Oakland A's in Phoenix, and Chicago Cubs in Mesa, so take your pick. Or you could make the trip over to Maryvale and check out the Milwaukee Brewers, who have just been mathematically eliminated from this year's playoffs.
3. You could check out the Arizona Rattlers. Their season starts Sunday against the Los Angeles Avengers. I don't know exactly what they are avenging. Maybe they are avenging the loss of the last great Los Angeles football team. Not the Rams or Raiders, but the XFL's LA Xtreme. I can't believe NBC pulled the plug on that dynasty- in -the -making. I'm sure the Avengers haven't forgotten, either. Anyway, with Hunkie Cooper and Sherdrick Bonner leading the charge, the Rattlers could regain former glory in the Arena League.
4. If you're like me, nothing is more fun than watching Arizona's men's basketball team get beat. Last week, Washington beat Lute Olson and the "Me-cats," while lowly Wazzu nearly pulled off an upset in Pullman. This week, the overrated team makes a visit to the bay area to play Cal and Stanford. Keep your television tuned, and watch Arizona's lack of team-play contribute to two losses.
If you don't see an early exit from this year's tournament up ahead for UA, you just aren't paying attention. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. This team just can't play the kind of team basketball necessary for success these days. There are too many solid squads out there in the mid-majors just waiting to make a name for themselves. Don't worry about the Arizona players, though. Half the team will be in the NBA next season, the perfect place for the one-man game.
5. If you haven't watched TV in the past few weeks, you have missed what is unquestionably the greatest concept of our time. My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance is, without a doubt, the funniest show I have ever seen.
The show stars former ASU socialite Randi Coy as the pawn in an elaborate hoax. She will be awarded $1 million dollars if she can convince her family that she wants to marry Steve, an obnoxious slob. But Randi doesn't know that Steve is an actor.
Randi has already proven herself to be an ice-cold bitch in the three episodes that have aired. But after watching Randi's family on a recent episode, you can't blame her lack of personality on Randi alone. None of them seem to show any consideration for a life different from their own. Her father is the most boring, square person I have ever seen in my life. You would have to use the Jaws of Life to pull the stick out of this guy's ass.
All this bagging on Randi makes me think of all the sorority girls I've had in my classes over the years at ASU. They don't talk to anyone outside the Greek system, and all I ever hear them talk about is getting money from their parents or going to the clubs in Scottsdale. None of them ever told me this directly, you see, they just yap so damn loud on their cell phones that anyone around them knows what they are talking about.
Maybe the condescending way they talk to me isn't because of something I said, they just don't have fun or have a genuine sense of humor. Watch, and you'll see for yourself. It's like a behind- the- scenes look at ASU's finest numbskulls.
I hope this provides a little guidance for you until March Madness comes and saves us from this sports hangover. I can't wait.
Nick Kramer is a journalism senior. Reach him at nicholas.kramer@asu.edu
