Last fall, we were a little offended when Sports Illustrated on Campus didn't name ASU/UA as one of its top rivalries. With a history from broken-nosed fans to Lute Olsen flipping his lid at Wells Fargo Arena, we were pretty sure that no one could hate us as much as the Wildcats.
Monday night, however, the amount of hate we get from Tucson seemed like a friendly rivalry compared to the anti-ASU sentiment festering in Tempe City Hall. This time, all the hate was coming from one man, mayoral candidate Hugh Hallman.
"We (don't have) long-time residents who cause problems," he said at the mayoral debate. "What we have is the transient nature of students in our neighborhoods."
Councilman Len Copple first called us transients the night Tempe passed its party ordinance. Hallman didn't waste any time in following the tradition of Tempe politicians who think we're bums.
"It's not enough," he went on, "to keep applying Band-Aids, like the party ordinance."
The ordinance, for the record, has no affiliation with the Band-Aid brand. Hallman should have said "adhesive bandage." But Hallman offended more than our brand-name sensibilities.
Maybe it's because he only went to ASU from 1980 to 1981. We don't know why he left, but we bet it has something to do with blonde sorority girls refusing to talk to him in his politics class.
Regardless, we can't help wondering what Hallman plans to slap on us that's bigger than an adhesive bandage. Neosporin? A walking cast? Chemotherapy? A quadruple bypass?
Hallman suggests more on-campus housing, but he sounds as though he won't be satisfied until ASU has enough dorms to safely contain the entire student menace.
He could then implement electronic collars, like those invisible dog fences. If any students tried to venture out, they would receive a mildly crippling jolt of a few hundred volts.
Maybe then "students" would stop stealing stereos and pizza delivery cars and liquor from Safeway. Maybe "students" would stop crowding Tempe streets with their stray cats. And, gosh dang it, maybe students would finally stop having fun, bringing life and money to this otherwise one-horse town.
But hold that horse. Hallman was quick to take credit for bringing the Biodesign Institute and the $360 million it represents to ASU. Doesn't he know that the Institute will be used by filthy students who will eventually leave campus and torture old ladies with their rap music?
Face it, Hugh, the more we learn about biodesign, the more stereos we're going to steal to fund loud parties and buy more cats. But, hey, what do you expect from a bunch of transients?
If we really hate UA, we should send Hallman to Tucson. Maybe then we'd make SIOC's list.
