I have the solution to our state's budget problems. This epiphany came to me while reading about the noble work of traffic law enforcement. Consider the brilliance of the photo-enforced ticket. It's simple, fast and cheap.
Not only does it accrue hundreds of thousands of dollars to ease the burdens on our budget, but it also saves lives. Fatalities at intersections as well as those caused by speeding have plummeted. So what if rear-end accidents have increased over 700 percent? We're talking about human lives here!
The savings are phenomenal, too. There's no better way to make our streets safer than to replace dozens of police patrolmen with static photo-enforcement vans. And people don't need to worry about losing all of that time being pulled over and lectured about the dangers of reckless driving; they simply pay and go.
So, in the spirit of helping the state, I have another way to administer citations and save more lives: tickets for drinking. When people go to the bar, they just want to have a good time, but that should not necessarily include drinking to the point of inebriation.
Drunken patrons do nothing but stumble all over and disrupt everyone else's festivities. So, I suggest that law enforcement officials install photo-enforcement cameras in certain Tempe bars.
When patrons consume more than two alcoholic drinks, their picture is taken and matched with the photo ID presented at the door. They are then mailed a citation, quickly learning to keep from such excess the next time. Make the fine affordable, too, so people still feel they can have a good time without risking serious penalty.
So many people die each year in accidents involving alcohol, but the numbers are sure to drop after a few months of these citations. As for people's health, these citations would cut back on cases of alcohol poisoning, cirrhosis fatalities and even heart disease.
It may seem rather difficult to enforce this kind of ticket, but then I turned again to the fine people of photo radar. They know what it is like to have their tickets ignored, so they just hand-deliver the ticket via courier and include the cost in the ticket.
Then there is the other problem: What happens when people wise up and simply avoid the places with cameras? Well, the Aussies have started placing their photo radars in trash cans. Imagine all of the inconspicuous places a bar offers for such equipment.
If we really want to solve the budget problem, we may have to place cameras in every bar and then set up a suspect network, so patrons can't just have a couple of drinks at one bar and then simply go to another.
There may be some other way to keep people from binge drinking, just as many have complained that there are alternatives to stop red-light running, such as extending the time on yellow lights. This may have worked in other cities, but we need to balance the budget.
Likewise, this whole drinking problem should not be addressed with education or good judgment - those methods are passé. We need to institute these fines now before one more person drinks one too many.
This may sound Orwellian, but like the pioneers at photo law enforcement, I see a brave new world where citizens can drive the streets without fear of speeders, drunk drivers or red light renegades ready to emerge.
We have the opportunity to save lives and make drinking an enjoyable, natural part of going out. After all, isn't a simple citation worth your peace of mind?
Darren Todd is an English literature senior. Reach him at lawrence.todd@asu.edu.
