My Mom told me to ignore them. My Dad said, "Screw 'em." Mom and Pop were talking about annoying people, and I have to say that my folks were right.
It just so happened that a very annoying man was out in front of the Memorial Union on Tuesday. He was spouting something about finding God and salvation. It is obnoxious to have these zealots roaming around campus, but it's even worse to have students react to their shenanigans.
Why is it that every single time one of these whack jobs shows up with a Bible and a mission, there is a momentary increase in the number of theology students on campus?
Suddenly, all sorts of people are experts on religion. Everyone should be allowed to speak his or her mind, but do you really think there is any point in arguing with these characters? Like all of a sudden they'll realize, "You're right, I am just plain NUTS! Thanks for enlightening me."
People who are coming on campus to teach us about God and warn us about sin are obviously not the sharpest knives in the drawer. Basically, they're squeaky wheels and there is no point in trying to grease them. Like a long list of stupid clichés, it's totally pointless.
Trying to win an argument with these characters is like trying to prove that you're smarter than a rock. I don't care who you are, if you walked by someone who was screaming at a big stone, you would say something to the effect of, "what the hizzy?" But for some reason we tolerate our peers arguing with head cases.
There are a couple of possible explanations for this. First, it's possible that the person who is arguing with them is not exceptionally bright either. At most, they're of average intelligence, i.e. they're stupid. But, in a desperate effort to feel and look smarter, they pick fights with a group of people in the D range of intelligence. And we all know that a D is below average. What we've come across here is a mental mismatch.
If you were going to promote this as a boxing match, you might as well throw me in there against George Foreman. After his success in the grilling world, George has probably dropped back to being an average boxer. I, on the other hand, have lost fights to newborn babies and grocery produce sections (they gang up on me).
The second possibility is that the people arguing with religious fanatics just like getting worked up over nothing. None of us are going to hell because hell doesn't exist. It's all hogwash and we should dismiss it as balderdash and poppycock. So what is the point of getting all hot and bothered about what they're saying?
I can just imagine one of these dissenters in action. As the argument reaches a fever pitch and gets more intense he loosens his tie, unbuttons his shirt and takes off his jacket. If someone saw him after this argument they would say, "You must have had a rough day."
Maybe that's the point! These people are just married and looking to get special treatment for the night, or they just like people thinking that they work a lot harder than they actually do.
For those who find it difficult to stay away from the religious fanatics, here are a few tips and tricks that will help you get to and from class without ending up in a ball of rage:
First, don't stop for anyone. If someone asks you if you have a minute for Greenpeace say, "Sorry, I'm fresh out of minutes." If someone gives you one of those stupid summer work flyers just crumple it up as they're handing it to you and put it in the nearest trash receptacle--his or her face.
The second tip is to be stealthy. This is a skill you should learn well, as it will be vital in all walks of life. It's like breathing. When you're going to the supermarket, be stealthy. If you're in the bathroom, be stealthy. If you're still reading this, you're already stealthy. Good job.
My final piece of advice is to have some common sense. These fanatics aren't going to stop doing what they do. It's obvious that their whole lives are based on trying to ruin things for everyone else and they aren't going to cut it out. Just leave them be and maybe they might get the picture and move onto someone else. Just follow the words of Mr. and Mrs. Fanning: "Screw 'em."
Chris Fanning is a journalism sophomore. Reach him at christopher.fanning@asu.edu.
