Pouting and whining do not belong on the football field.
Nor should crying be condoned during post-game interviews.
It is certainly better to be flogged with copper wire or singed by red-hot fireplace instruments than to lose 55-38 to unranked Cal on the final home game of an otherwise respectable season, but such a loss still does not warrant a temper-tantrum.
Saturday's post-game press conference was essential to understanding how such an unfortunate trouncing could possibly occur on Sun Devil soil. However, the media didn't get much more than hot air from head coach Dirk Koetter.
The room went silent as the coach entered. His blood pressure was almost audible. There was a vicious glare in his eyes.
Sophomore quarterback Andrew Walter fielded questions before Koetter, and wrongfully tried to shoulder the blame for the loss. The first thing the coach did was let the media know his feelings on how mature Walter was for honestly articulating his thoughts on what went wrong.
But honest articulation failed Koetter, as he screwed up his face and spoke with contrived, Jack Nicholson-like gravity.
"Trust me, if you've never had to sit up here and answer this crap…it's not easy," he fumed.
Koetter then made a recommendation for those in attendance to write in their "little columns" about how Walter was a "man." How original.
As the brief Q & A dragged on, Koetter resembled a caged beast being poked with sticks. When someone asked a question, he snarled and snapped in response.
Koetter squirmed and shrugged at legitimate questions, like when one columnist asked him about his reasoning for attempting an on-side kick with seven minutes remaining in the second quarter. The score was 10-7 in favor of the Devils before Cal scored on the very next play.
Yet Koetter played the sarcastic simpleton and offered his opinion on how the media perceives his calling of on-sides or fake punts.
"When they work, I'm a real smart guy," he said. "When they don't work, I'm a real dumb guy."
Though it's frequently difficult for crap-spouting members of the sporting press to find adjectives more potent than "smart" or "dumb," it certainly isn't hard to see what kind of a bush-league fool our esteemed coach can behave like when he gets cranky.
Reach the reporter at michael.farraresi@asu.edu.
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