If the coming winter has got you down, try an energy drink to make you think and feel better. That's what the new line of beverages is all about, after all — making us better. I remember the days without taurine and ginseng and those were hard times indeed. Now for just $2 a pop, I can party, dance, and even study all night.
The difficulty, though, is which one to choose. There's so many of them now that the Kwik-E-Mart folks have had to build a tiny little shelf just for these drinks. All energy boosts cannot be created equal, of course. Some boast 100% of the B-vitamins, ephedra, guarana; others advertise milk thistle, carnitine, and inositol. How's a guy to choose?
Unfortunately, many people don't understand many of the mystic chemicals in these concoctions. Special health reports relay that blending these drinks with alcohol leads to a feeling of sobriety; the implications for drunk driving are obvious. Watch out joggers!
Others say that ephedra can cause health problems with those who have heart conditions, but then again, so can running. Despite all of the time and energy being spent on trying to bear the truth, energy drink sales are supposed to double this year.
The fact that media warnings only harden the public's desire for forbidden fruits is old news. What I really appreciate is how these companies have boosted their sales. The fad has caused businesses such as Coca-Cola to put out their own versions of this newly demanded brew.
But let's talk slogans. To hell with the ingredients, words do the selling. Red Bull — "Gives you wings." Who cares? Rockstar — "Bigger, faster, stronger." That sounds like a porn-star's resume. SoBe Adrenaline Rush — "Get it up. Keep it up." I see a pattern developing. Monster Energy — "Unleash the beast." Now we're to it: these drinks play on the perpetual fear of inadequate sexual performance.
Of course there's Liquid X, too, whose Web site "Party on X" doesn't fit this criterion exactly but instead has opted to play off of our fine country's love of Ecstasy. Way to go guys!
These products fill a void that businesses tell consumers they possess, but they're really just another vehicle for the favorite ingredient of all college students: caffeine. The other ingredients, taking away all the smoke and mirrors, are either something our body produces anyway or vitamins that you can receive from taking one multivitamin in pill form.
The vitamin will run you about a nickel as opposed to $2. Some argue that the drinks act as supplements to what the body loses through massive exertion, but somehow I can't believe that the people drinking these things just came from a barn raising (popular in Amish regions), they probably just didn't sleep. Besides, considering the amount of sugars in them, and the fact that guarana and ephedra act as diuretics, they'll only dehydrate their bodies.
Forbidding these magic potions will do nothing but cause consumers to want them more or seek stronger supplements. Making the argument that they cause health problems will draw attention for about 60 seconds and then people might actually realize there are more health risks in driving to the Kwik-E-Mart.
Information on their ineffectiveness is my instrument, since most of these wondrous chemicals introduced into a body without the proper foods and the element of constancy simply flush through the system without absorption. Considering the price, I'd say consumers are pissing their money away.
Darren Todd is an English literature senior. Reach him at lawrence.todd@asu.edu.
