When Noah built his Ark, the animals marched two by two. But — alas — there was only one Ark.
It's too bad because the residents of Tempe could use a lifeboat these days.
It turns out that we could have our own little addition to Genesis if a strong enough storm were to hit the Tempe Town Lake. According to some ASU professors, flooding could potentially wreak enough havoc to destroy waterfront business properties.
We at the State Press want to ask one question: If such a disaster occurred, who would lead soppy residents to safety?
We would nominate Lattie Coor, because, well, he's Lattie Coor. We think he could bust out some of that Old Testament style leadership. And if you squint a little bit, it's not too hard to imagine him with a flowing beard and earnest countenance. But (boo!) he's no longer our president, so he is no longer required to lead us to safety in case of apocalyptic events.
Note to Michael Crow: Don't believe what others tell you, the aforementioned is part of your job description.
We don't want to see a sea of Abercrombie jeans and P.F. Chang's in our Salt Riverbed. After all, if all the fabulousness of Mill Avenue washed away, we'd be left to deal with a dearth of overpriced shops and restaurants. That, of course, would be tragic.
But all bad Biblical references and exaggerations aside, we're worried about the Tempe Town Lake.
According to John Shaffer, a faculty associate in the ASU geography department, an intense storm could overflow the banks and do serious damage to proposed lakefront businesses.
"The Salt River is prone to flooding," Shaffer said. "(Tempe Town Lake) is a great place to visit. It's beautiful. I just think we shouldn't be surprised if the river floods and washes away parts of buildings.
"It's very hard to change Mother Nature. People always think they can, but she thinks something different."
Someone should tell Mayor Neil Giuliano this. Because by ignoring natural occurrences like flooding he has put the entire Tempe community at risk. If a major storm were to happen, though no one would necessarily get hurt, no doubt there would be major pain inflicted on taxpayers' pockets.
"In the immediate future the Tempe Town Lake project is fine and is great for the community," Shaffer said. "But there is potential for a playground built on a riverbed to not be a good idea."
Sure, the lake may look pretty, but businesses could pay if they build along the shore. Oh, wait, the lake doesn't look pretty — the water's a muddy brown! It's not safe to swim in. Trash and other shady substances float in the lake, too. And swallowing the water, even in small amounts, could put a person at risk for bacterial infection. We can only say one thing: ew.
So who exactly is Tempe Town Lake economically good for? Good question.
Let us know if you find out the answer.
