Ah, feminism: The advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social and economic equality to men. Sounds good, right? Makes sense, right? I don't know about you, but that's something I can get on board with. In the words of Maya Angelou (or so I've been told), “I’m a feminist. I’ve been a female for a long time now. It’d be stupid not to be on my own side.”
Identifying as a feminist has been easy for me, up until a girl self-proclaimed as a "feminist expert" told me that I couldn't be a feminist because I was too conservative.
CardFor the sake of privacy and potential catfights, I won't name her — but let's just call her "Laura." Laura goes on to tell me that feminists have to be comfortable in their own body and in showing that comfort through nudity, sex or just wearing less clothing.
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I brushed off Laura's statements and ignored her. Yet, as time went on, I began to notice that most of the feminists I followed online and knew in real life only uplifted women who were more — for lack of a better word — liberal in their life choices. Time and time again, when I saw women receiving attention for being "powerful," "progressive" and "beautiful," it was because they were posting nude or partially nude photos on their social media accounts, having multiple sexual partners, having frequent sexual experiences and speaking openly about their sex life.
There's nothing wrong with doing any of those things; it's your choice. Would I personally do so? No. Would I recommend doing so? No. But, to me, feminism is about each woman having the right to choose what kind of lifestyle she lives and having equal rights with men. By telling me that I wasn't a feminist because of my lifestyle choices, Laura was counteracting the very movement and theory she claimed to represent.
I understand that many young women are embracing their sexuality in these ways to combat age-old societal pressures that women still face when it comes to what is beautiful, pure and desirable. For centuries, women have been shamed for not shaving, not being virgins and showing their nipples while men do the same thing without repercussion. It's important to stop this.
I'll admit it — I was once stuck in the problematic, counterproductive mindset that girls who were more sexual were somehow less than other girls. It took a while for me to understand that just because I don't agree with their choices that does not give me the right to judge them. I see now that all women deserve to be treated with equal respect, no matter what they do.
But it's also important to respect women who are more "conservative," modest or shy.
Just because I have chosen to wait until I'm married to have sex doesn't mean I'm not a feminist. Just because I don't feel comfortable posting sexy photos of myself on Twitter doesn't mean I'm not comfortable in my body.
Some women are empowered through nudity. Some are empowered through modesty. And both are OK. It's no one's place to decide which is better.
I haven't let this experience scare me away from feminism as a whole, but it still stings when I scroll by a post tearing down girls who feel empowered through turtlenecks and tightly closed legs.
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Reach the columnist at nlilley@asu.edu or follow her on Twitter: @noelledl
Editor’s note: The opinions presented in this column are the author’s and do not imply any endorsement from The State Press or its editors.
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