Oct. 11 marks the 27th anniversary of National Coming Out Day. "Coming out" is a term used both in and outside the LGBT community, in which a person speaks openly and freely about their status as a queer person. It exhibits personal pride for who they are and what they stand for.
When you come out, you are not only unafraid of who you are, but you also have no fear expressing yourself and your orientation to the world.
It’s something that I’ve been really horrible at, until now.
I am gay.
There. It’s out. I can’t go back.
I have struggled with those three words for several years. This feeling started as questions about what I had considered the “norm” for all of my life. It escalated into self-loathing, crying, hurting, feeling broken and laying in my bed wondering “Why can’t I change?” I would sometimes hope that one day I’d wake up and not be gay anymore.
After several years of struggle, I have become content, accepting and eventually proud with the idea of calling myself a gay man. Despite all this, I haven’t been vocal about my sexuality. I was afraid of judgment, afraid of losing people, afraid of being punished for saying who I was.
Well, no longer.
With this being National Coming Out Day, I finally decided that it’s something that I don’t want to hide anymore. I want to stop feeling like I have a secret.
I’m gay, and that feels so good to say.
It’s not just a relief to be rid of sneaking around with this truth about myself, but also a relief to finally be fully affirming who I am. Every time I lied about my orientation or avoided the conversation, it felt like I was denying and disrespecting this piece of myself. This piece that has fought for a long time to feel adequate and comfortable with the rest of me.
Coming out not only tells everyone that you are not afraid of who you are, but it also confirms it within you. That you are worthy of love. That you do not have something to hide. And let me tell you, right now, that is one of the most freeing feelings in the world.
It’s time to stop being afraid. I have spent way too long living in fear of other people’s judgement that I forgot to live for me, and it’s time to join my brothers and sisters in the community as a proudly gay individual.
That’s why events like pride weeks and festivals are always so important. It’s less about celebrating LGBT successes and more about conquering those demons inside yourself and realizing how normal you truly are.
To anyone who is still in the closet, or struggling with their orientation, I’m not going to say that you should live loud and proud because we all come from different situations, but never lose sight of who you are. Even though you may be fighting this mental battle inside with all the sneaking around, it will be over someday, and the worst thing you can do is lose yourself in that process.
Pride means many different things to many different people, I’m glad I get to finally exhibit mine.
Thank you.
Related Links:
Coming Out Week went mostly unnoticed — that's a problem
Reach the columnist at baileyvogt@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter @VogtOut
Editor’s note: The opinions presented in this column are the author’s and do not imply any endorsement from The State Press or its editors.
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