True love can be found with a simple right swipe in today's dating world. I don't need to go to a bar anymore to meet someone. All I need is my iPhone.
As Aziz Ansari said in his book "Modern Romance," "Today, if you own a smartphone, you're carrying a 24/7 singles bar in your pocket."
With Tinder, I'm able to flirt with an endless supply of matches, whether I'm seeking a fun evening or a happily ever after.
When I first downloaded Tinder, I was back home in Texas and all of my matches were attractive Southern boys, complete with a truck and a love of country music. At ASU, instead of guys with Fords, my screen was filled with frat boys, gym rats and party animals.
Freshman year, swiping on Tinder was a great way to make friends. Whether you needed someone to go to a football game with or wanted a scoop on nightlife, it provided me with a never-ending supply of entertainment.
Now that I'm a sophomore, it feels like I've seen it all on ASU's Tinder. From the inappropriate lines to rude comments, I almost feel like I'm a veteran of the swiping scene. These are my favorites (so far) from the fall semester.
"Wanna bang?"
It's no longer enough to simply woo a girl before asking her to sleep with you. Who needs a one-liner to lead into a come-on when now, you only have to say one very non-descriptive word.
Smirk emoji, heart eyes
Emojis have replaced words for our generation. Everyone knows the smirking emoji is the equivalent to undressing someone with your eyes. Paired with the heart eyes (another way to say you are completely smitten), it's the ultimate pick-up line.
Persistence
In the old days, if a girl didn't respond to you, you took the hint and moved on. In today's smartphone world, if a girl doesn't respond, you send her another message a few months later in the hopes that maybe this time she didn't get so excited that she completely forgot to respond.
If she still doesn't give you the time of day, resorting back to middle school world of "rate me," is your next best move. She'll definitely respond then.
I really like spaghetti
Carbs are the closest thing to flowers and nothing is more romantic than saying you would do the impossible in a scenario that would never happen in the hopes that a girl would have spaghetti with you over Skype.
To step up the romance, liking all of her moments is another way to show how dedicated you are. Reading this doesn't make me swoon; it makes me wonder why you're in Kanye West's closet with thirteen silverback gorillas. Also, eating spaghetti with a spork sounds like a cardinal sin.
Chipotle
If you ever want to impress a girl, take her to Chipotle. Every ASU student knows that Chipotle is actually bae. If that isn't making you swoon, a second date of TV dinner and Welch's grape juice is sure to make you fall in love.
If you're basic, this guy is definitely the one for you. Look out for his third date, which consists of hitting up Taco Bell happy hour, followed by a Starbucks trip on the fourth date. Originality and planning on dates is over-rated.
Night Stand
Contrary to popular belief, Tinder isn't actually a hookup app. Using Tinder, I've been introduced to new reads, binge-worthy Netflix shows and places to eat. If you don't believe me, ask for interior decorating ideas.
Guys will jump at the chance to offer you night stands that will make your bedroom rock. I've yet to be offered any other furniture though.
Education
I hate to think that lazy texting is a sign of low intelligence, but I can't help being slightly annoyed by anyone that leaves the "g" off of present perfect progressive tense verbs. There are so many things harder than writing out a word in its entirety.
Economics
After four years of long nights studying for school, it makes me glad to know that some degrees are best used as pick-up lines on Tinder. Unfortunately for him, our supply and demand graphs are from two different markets.
Rush TKE Boobs
Nothing is a better compliment than being asked to take a photo of your cleavage to support a fraternity. Honestly, I'm not really sure what my chest has to do with brotherhood and friendship.
Dropped Standards
Some girls drop jaws, I drop my standards. With my klutzy nature, is it any surprise that anything you hand me doesn't accidentally wind up on the ground, broken?
Related Links:
Do dating apps 'match up' to the hype?
Reach the reporter at dlbarnet@asu.edu or follow @danicalbarnett on Twitter.
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